Fine. Missin' you. WTF. Breathe.

I can do this. 

It has officially been long enough since Eddie has been home, that I feel like I can do it. I go through phases, the "it's fine" phase is always first. He leaves and I just wave good bye and immediately start going about my business. The work load is huge but I'm not yet affected.

Then I start missing him. The night I climb into bed and it's not all about sleeping in the middle. I kinda wish he was there, even if he steals covers and snores. Even though he wears the same shirt to bed that he wore all day, I suddenly want to smell his shirt.

After a few days of missing him I start to get pissed. I'm tired from having to do everything and the kids usually get sick (ahem... always) and I am just mad. I stop talking to him on the phone for a few days, everything he says is annoying. I don't miss his smelly shirt, I just glare at the pile of laundry he left in his closet (because no, I still have not washed it).

And then one day (today) I feel like I can breathe.

The house isn't in too bad of shape. My kids are happy and I'm busy but it doesn't seem as overwhelming as on the "WTF" stage because I have a rhythm. Finally. 

This is when he usually comes home and fucks everything up, it's awesome but it is like walking over to my stack of dominos lined up throughout the house, and just touching one... you know they are all going to fall over and I know it must be done.

This time he is not coming home. This tour in going to go on until the end of Feb and it sucks that it must be so long but we are really thankful that it is. Rock 'n roll is like anything else, you have to work while you can and even though he can't be here for Halloween, we will be together for Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday, to be with my family is so incredibly insane, it is nonstop, tons of food, people, craziness. I love it.

I've got to get back to the Halloween costumes.