There's a lot being said about Mother's Day lately, I'm no rocket scientists but I'm guessing it because it is tomorrow. I think it is cool to read things in the paper or see them online, about great things that people are doing for their Mothers. Schools that are making a deal out of it, famous people (yes, famous people have Mom's too.. well, except for Lindsey) are giving their Mom's cars, restaurants are having cute brunches . It's awesome. I love it. It's like Valentines Day and your birthday, except it's just you, your littles and all the love you can handle.
We don't do presents really. I mean sometimes they do, but for the most part it's just about getting breakfast in bed (which is my FAVORITE thing in the world) having the kids be nice to each other, sneaking out at some point with a girlfriend and that is about it. We don't do flowers (except maybe at the Farmers Market, which we do after my lazy, lazy brunch) or chocolate. We don't buy diamonds or fancy bags. No lavish necklaces or rings. If we had the money to spend 15K on a ring, I would give the money to my local food bank and give my very best beauty pageant wave as they all carried me down the street on a thrown. I mean, can you imagine? That's probably a different blog entry all together but really, to know me is to know that I am not flashy and I need for not.
Where was I? I'm getting all worked up over the thought of the things I could do with Kardashian money and it wouldn't be taking Kanye (hows your head buddy?) to lunch. Anyway...
What I am saying is, is that our day is simple and oh so special. It is a day I don't have to plan and I don't have to make anything happen but I still get to be a part of it. A big part. I get to be myself and enjoy my work, which is raising all these damn kids!
This bring me to my point and my disclaimer is that I have no backing information on this person, so obviously there's more to the story but I read a Facebook post the other day and I was so floored, I had to respond. You know, to someone I am not friends with nor do I "like" their page. A friend of mine commented on the post that read "... do you think being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, ever? (Spoiler alert, I don't"."
Needless to say it struck a cord with me and not because I was having a rough day, it was just like reading something that goes against every bone in your body. I think this person doesn't believe in Mother's Day altogether, I had to reply- so here's what I said.
"I find this post odd. "Over glorifying motherhood'? Is there such a thing? Some surgeons
are awful at what they do, have you never seen Mickey Rourke? Ditch digging? Have you ever done this? I'd use the term "suck" not "hard". (someone had said they thought Motherhood was easy and that surgeons and ditch diggers had the hardest jobs....)
Some Mothers are terrible but if you do it well, how is anyone to say it's not the hardest job? Isn't that just a figure of speech? The word "job" means: 'paid position of regular employment". If you guys are getting paid, I'm definitely doing it wrong. I work at parenting my 12,3 and 10 month old full time, round the clock and it's no joke. But I find my work an investment for my/our future. I plan to take my success in this position all the way to the proverbial bank when the last one is out of the nest.
Whether they dig ditches, become surgeons OR be stay at home parents (or any combination) that's what I am choosing to do with my life. Well, a big part of it anyway.
It's work. Hard, constant work. I could never feel "over glorified". Can you imagine? Too much praise? No. Praise on. I need it.
The blanket statement of "chardonnay, useless husbands and sticky icky kids"... You said it, maybe that is how you really feel?
In my downtime, I find my friends and I talking about the crazy world headlines, how to potty train our toddlers and keeping our pre-teens out of trouble. Things like that.
I feel odd chiming into a faceless FB thread but I hear/see posts and conversations about this and I just don't get it. If parenthood is easy for you, I think that's great. I think you are perpetually high, but I still think it's great. "
So that's that. I had a lot to say and I am not sure why really. I don't care if others don't want to take a day and bask in their greatness. That's fine, there will be more mimosas and massage chairs open because of it but I can't help but think it is doing more harm than good. But my parenting philosophy is different than those that agree with this kind of thinking. There are comments about "martyr syndrome" and using exhaustion as a status symbol. They speak of not using sippy cups with our kids and not praising kids for what is perceived to be mediocre behavior. I'd like to think that I am pretty awesome human and a fine parent but I know as a child I was pretty awful. I wet the bed far into my school age life and I picked my nose and sucked my thumb. What does that say about me now? How was that any indication of what kind of person I would be? Was I humiliated? Ya and you know, that part molded me and not in a stellar way. I find it hard to push the "grow up" attitude on my kids. I don't want them to grow up. I know they will/are but I would just assume Quattro stay 8 (best age!) and Elvis stay 3. I would like that baby to stay a baby but I bet he is going to be really fun to talk to...
How does anyone know what your kid is capable of? What is perceived as mediocre in one kid could be like amazing in another kid. My son played basketball and I was so proud of him in the final game. He finally got the guts to shoot the damn thing (after spending the entire season passing it to someone else) that it was as if he graduated high school as valedictorian. I was so proud. I took him to dinner. Yes, I did. I took him to dinner to celebrate his guts because it took him 3 months to get them. He missed the shot but he will never remember that part. He will only remember how proud HE was of himself.
There's a group of women (and lets face it, a shitload of men) that think that since Motherhood is a choice that you should not be struggling or looking up to people that we may think do things better. That you shouldn't celebrate a day with a glass of wine, while being exhausted because that means you are trendy. I find more and more that people who are talking about Mothers hating Mothers ARE actually the Mothers that hate Mothers.
Confused?
I find myself looking up to women and their kids all the time. I see families on IG, FB and day to day and I think "damn, they have go it figured out" but I am not serious. When I am tired because I have had a long day, it's not because I can't handle it, it's simply because I am exhausted. End of my daily rope, can't take another minute, want to guzzle something so I feel happy again.
Is that so bad?
Maybe. And you know, c'est la vie, to each her own, just a pinch, a little goes a long way... blah blah blahhhhh.
I will say that I think Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had. Sure I stopped working for the man when I was 23, but I am working my ass off every day, every week, every month and every year. Some days I am on fire and people look at me and think I have it all, but something tells me they know I don't. I am simply doing my best and that, is worth it's weight in gold and a mothercussing breakfast in bed.
We don't do presents really. I mean sometimes they do, but for the most part it's just about getting breakfast in bed (which is my FAVORITE thing in the world) having the kids be nice to each other, sneaking out at some point with a girlfriend and that is about it. We don't do flowers (except maybe at the Farmers Market, which we do after my lazy, lazy brunch) or chocolate. We don't buy diamonds or fancy bags. No lavish necklaces or rings. If we had the money to spend 15K on a ring, I would give the money to my local food bank and give my very best beauty pageant wave as they all carried me down the street on a thrown. I mean, can you imagine? That's probably a different blog entry all together but really, to know me is to know that I am not flashy and I need for not.
Where was I? I'm getting all worked up over the thought of the things I could do with Kardashian money and it wouldn't be taking Kanye (hows your head buddy?) to lunch. Anyway...
What I am saying is, is that our day is simple and oh so special. It is a day I don't have to plan and I don't have to make anything happen but I still get to be a part of it. A big part. I get to be myself and enjoy my work, which is raising all these damn kids!
This bring me to my point and my disclaimer is that I have no backing information on this person, so obviously there's more to the story but I read a Facebook post the other day and I was so floored, I had to respond. You know, to someone I am not friends with nor do I "like" their page. A friend of mine commented on the post that read "... do you think being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, ever? (Spoiler alert, I don't"."
Needless to say it struck a cord with me and not because I was having a rough day, it was just like reading something that goes against every bone in your body. I think this person doesn't believe in Mother's Day altogether, I had to reply- so here's what I said.
"I find this post odd. "Over glorifying motherhood'? Is there such a thing? Some surgeons
are awful at what they do, have you never seen Mickey Rourke? Ditch digging? Have you ever done this? I'd use the term "suck" not "hard". (someone had said they thought Motherhood was easy and that surgeons and ditch diggers had the hardest jobs....)
Some Mothers are terrible but if you do it well, how is anyone to say it's not the hardest job? Isn't that just a figure of speech? The word "job" means: 'paid position of regular employment". If you guys are getting paid, I'm definitely doing it wrong. I work at parenting my 12,3 and 10 month old full time, round the clock and it's no joke. But I find my work an investment for my/our future. I plan to take my success in this position all the way to the proverbial bank when the last one is out of the nest.
Whether they dig ditches, become surgeons OR be stay at home parents (or any combination) that's what I am choosing to do with my life. Well, a big part of it anyway.
It's work. Hard, constant work. I could never feel "over glorified". Can you imagine? Too much praise? No. Praise on. I need it.
The blanket statement of "chardonnay, useless husbands and sticky icky kids"... You said it, maybe that is how you really feel?
In my downtime, I find my friends and I talking about the crazy world headlines, how to potty train our toddlers and keeping our pre-teens out of trouble. Things like that.
I feel odd chiming into a faceless FB thread but I hear/see posts and conversations about this and I just don't get it. If parenthood is easy for you, I think that's great. I think you are perpetually high, but I still think it's great. "
So that's that. I had a lot to say and I am not sure why really. I don't care if others don't want to take a day and bask in their greatness. That's fine, there will be more mimosas and massage chairs open because of it but I can't help but think it is doing more harm than good. But my parenting philosophy is different than those that agree with this kind of thinking. There are comments about "martyr syndrome" and using exhaustion as a status symbol. They speak of not using sippy cups with our kids and not praising kids for what is perceived to be mediocre behavior. I'd like to think that I am pretty awesome human and a fine parent but I know as a child I was pretty awful. I wet the bed far into my school age life and I picked my nose and sucked my thumb. What does that say about me now? How was that any indication of what kind of person I would be? Was I humiliated? Ya and you know, that part molded me and not in a stellar way. I find it hard to push the "grow up" attitude on my kids. I don't want them to grow up. I know they will/are but I would just assume Quattro stay 8 (best age!) and Elvis stay 3. I would like that baby to stay a baby but I bet he is going to be really fun to talk to...
How does anyone know what your kid is capable of? What is perceived as mediocre in one kid could be like amazing in another kid. My son played basketball and I was so proud of him in the final game. He finally got the guts to shoot the damn thing (after spending the entire season passing it to someone else) that it was as if he graduated high school as valedictorian. I was so proud. I took him to dinner. Yes, I did. I took him to dinner to celebrate his guts because it took him 3 months to get them. He missed the shot but he will never remember that part. He will only remember how proud HE was of himself.
There's a group of women (and lets face it, a shitload of men) that think that since Motherhood is a choice that you should not be struggling or looking up to people that we may think do things better. That you shouldn't celebrate a day with a glass of wine, while being exhausted because that means you are trendy. I find more and more that people who are talking about Mothers hating Mothers ARE actually the Mothers that hate Mothers.
Confused?
I find myself looking up to women and their kids all the time. I see families on IG, FB and day to day and I think "damn, they have go it figured out" but I am not serious. When I am tired because I have had a long day, it's not because I can't handle it, it's simply because I am exhausted. End of my daily rope, can't take another minute, want to guzzle something so I feel happy again.
Is that so bad?
Maybe. And you know, c'est la vie, to each her own, just a pinch, a little goes a long way... blah blah blahhhhh.
I will say that I think Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had. Sure I stopped working for the man when I was 23, but I am working my ass off every day, every week, every month and every year. Some days I am on fire and people look at me and think I have it all, but something tells me they know I don't. I am simply doing my best and that, is worth it's weight in gold and a mothercussing breakfast in bed.
I loved this blog entry, it made me a little teary-eyed. You are a fabulous mom, and I wish you not only the best breakfast in bed, but a mimosa to go along with it! Sending mom love to you!
ReplyDeleteBobbi you are so kind. I am glad I am able to take the time to get this stuff of my chest. My chest is busy these days so. The clearer the better.
ReplyDeleteI need to renew my membership and come see you!