Surprise?

I don't like surprises.

I have never really been on the receiving end of any amazing ones, although one time my friends and I were celebrating my birthday and my Mom and sister showed up. In Michigan. Unannounced. I think it was my 23 birthday. It was not such a good surprise. I mean it was good to see them, of course but I think there were  about 12 naked people in the hot tub- girls from my work... which was another surprise (more for them than me) they found out where I really worked. Ha! Good times.
So yeah... in general, I don't love surprises.

They are usually not purely a surprise and the thought of acting like you had no idea is not that appealing. Or like the above. What do you do when the surprise isn't good? What do you do with all of that?

The other thing that comes to my mind is the thought that you could have made it better. That is such a woman thing to think but I am being honest. Sometimes surprises aren't good for lackluster planning skills or bad timing OR the person throwing the surprise for you is really the one wanting the attention.
That is the worst.

I am thinking about surprises because I am planning a rather big one soon. It has been awhile since I have had the energy to even think about something fun, let alone pull it off. When you have kids it is hard to plan it all and the thought of putting in all the work for it to just get canceled at the last minute keeps me from really diving in. But I guess that is life, right? You have to either shit or get off the pot. Is that the saying? It's gross but I love it.

I am going to shit. I am not going to just get off the pot without shitting.

12 things about myself

I'll play along.

1. It is really hard to talk about myself. My real self. The one that I apparently only let some people know. I'm friendly but complex. My life doesn't always make sense to the average bear.

2. I can't stand when people talk about themselves all of the time. If we leave the restaurant or hang up the phone and you didn't ask about me, my family or my life- you are out of the deal. See above.

3. I am a really, really good Mother. I believe that to my core. I have never felt so natural in all my life, in 37 years of living in this world, doing anything but this. I was meant to do this.

4. I feel like I gave up a big part of who I might have been, to have a child. I had hopes and dreams that had nothing to do with a baby. I am so glad I did this.

5. I now have a fear of water. Even seeing pictures of people swimming, or swimming on TV. It didn't happen right away, a couple weeks after the accident. It's palpable. I hate it and have to see someone about it.

6. A few years ago I was desperate for a real friend. Someone that I could count on and be there for. Someone like I never had, well since having kids. I wrote about it. I put it out in the universe and I got her.

7. At 7 years of being married, we almost got divorced. Like, really really. Best thing I never did.

8. When I married my husband, I thought it wouldn't last. I believed everyone who told us we were crazy, I was completely content with crazy and thought it sounded fun.

9. I'm 99% sure I am done having babies.

10. I went to rehab when I was 16.

11. I had "Daddy issues" when I was growing up. It wasn't until my husband showed me what a Dad really was, that I realized he was the only Dad I needed in my life. The kind of Father he is to our kids is beyond what anyone could have been for me (if they had ever actually tried).

12. Next year we are going to do something completely crazy, life changing and toe curling-ly fun. And all I can think is that I hope it doesn't mean I will die at age 76. #midlifecrisis