Break it up and break it down.

So on our last podcast Eddie and I talked about the infidelity of Tori Spellings husband.
I stick by what I said, I think it is insane what he did, but you know, I realize it happens all the time.
I wanted to elaborate on it, I feel like if you are going to publicly talk about someone's life, you should... I don't know, to say "be fair" is silly. Life isn't fair but I feel like I should be clear.

Watching the show was so hard. It was... awful.
I felt bad for her, I even felt bad for him but the kids, oh how my heart ached for them.
I am sure hers does too.

They have 4 kids together and like 7 years (seven year itch is REAL people!)

not giving it your best shot to repair would be such a waste, in my eyes, but how you would ever be able to look that fucker in the eyes is beyond me.

Lets be straight. I would have a really hard time forgiving my husband if he cheated.
If this was my life, I can't say whether I would just up and leave him or not. I don't know if he would be able to throw it all away if I cheated. I don't know if he would want to be with me either and I think that is the reason we don't cheat. We like where things are, how they were and where they are going. If one of us strayed, we have no idea how it would change us and knowing it could mean everything we have worked for (I think we can all agree that being married is work) could quite possibly just POOF! be gone.

The thought fucking scares me.

I understand the getting bored and not having enough sex. My husband is gone all the time. It is not easy to be in this kind of sexless marriage either, there are times when both of us just want to meet somewhere in the middle and bang it out and move on but it's not realistic all the time. There are a lot of people that lay in bed every night and don't have sex but we can't have it because we are thousands of miles apart. But our marriage didn' start out as just sex. I think a lot of relationships do. Not to say we didn't have a lot more of it but we were instantly connected to each others lives. Like we wanted to take the ride together. We wanted to see what we could do, together. We had our troubles, in the beginning, the middle and the end I imagine, we will still be trying to be good and stay true to ourselves and each other. There is no coasting. Coasting is for single people. Did you hear that? Want to coast? Stay single! Seriously, if you don't want to work at a relationship for the duration, don't do it.
See, that is something no one tells you. You're welcome.

We had our 7 year itch. I will admit it. We spent a lot of months (years?) trying to find our way back and even still truly have to stay "ahead of it", like Eddie said in the podcast.
There was no cheating but the itch has many different faces. I think it finds every marriage in some way shape or form. I would tell you all about ours right now but this way, you will really want to read my book.

Back to Tori.
Seeing the preview for this show, I was immediately into it. I am a reality TV junkie. Yes, I know it is not reality but this shit just got real. Real, real. I had heard about their trouble and didn't really follow it, I do have a life, but the show, I can get down with that. And usually the juicer the better. Usually the fighting and crying and screaming gets me excited. My life lacks none of this, mind you, but it's good TV. But somehow this just didn't make for good TV.

Will I continue to watch? Yes, because I am rooting for them but it is really not pleasant.

Why do men (and yes, I realize women do it too) choose the time they do to do something like this? He was working and everything seemed to be going well. They had a really rough time when their 4th child was born but everyone lives, everyone is healthy and he decides to screw someone?
I just can't wrap my brain around it.
And ya, drinking makes it easier to make mistakes. Even I know that but this isn't a mistake, it is a fucking world crusher. It is the end all be all. It is you putting your dick where it doesn't belong.

Mistakes are breaking something, forgetting the groceries, forgetting to call. Mistakes are (even though I hate the word) something you can say "I'm sorry" for. You can't "I'm sorry" your penis out of a rogue vagina. You just can't.

If I ever decided to have sex with someone (and Deans bitch stayed at his hotel for 2 days!!) you better believe, "mistake" or not, I am very aware that I just tossed my life away. And that simply will not happen.

So where do they go from here?
Counseling (which in front of a camera is just... I can't.. it's not...).
First of all, they will meet with a counselor who will not keep their end of the bargain. These people are supposed to be confidential. Does that make them crooked? I should ask Dr. Drew. It seems once you open your practice and expertise out to the world, it would degrade it somehow. How do I know someone isn't hamming it up? How do I know you aren't giving extreme advice to make for good TV?

Here's what I think.
I think they worked through their mess and decided to stay together, be stronger than ever and are capitalizing on that. I think we are seeing real, true life but one that already has a finale. My guess is that they signed something that said "if this shit ends bad, we aren't airing it".. I don't know if they can even do that but it is hard for me to believe these seemingly smart, kind, loving parents of 4 would put on TV their families demise for their kids to watch reruns of.

"Hey kids, grab the popcorn and turn on channel 51. The end of our perfect life is on again."

These stars are worried about the paps selling pictures of their kids in front of their school or in Duane Reade eating candy but they will collect a stack of cash for the suicidal ending of their families happiness.

Yikes.

Catch up with us on our new website and copy and paste the following URL to your favorite podcast App or feed reader.
http://spaghettifamily.com/feed/podcast/

shit.

My son's bike was ripped from our garage on Thursday.
He could not be more bummed.
He rode it nearly everyday, it was his ride to baseball games.
It took him to the store to get cat food or whatever I needed for dinner and didn't have.

I am sad for him and at the same time I think this is one of the biggest, HARDEST lessons for a kid.

People take shit that isn't theirs and it SUCKS.

I think it is a good lesson because he will be put in spots in his life when he or his friends will have the chance to make a decision. A decision that could go unnoticed, it could change his friendships or it could change the course of his life.

I know that sounds dramatic but I think life is dramatic.

Everyone had that time in their life when they are faced with the "fork". We have many forks, but when you are 13, I think the forks are crucial.

I remember one time, my friends and I were at a store, I swear the name was Pick 'n Save, and everyone stole lipstick and I didn't. Everyone got popped and I didn't.
There was a kid thief crackdown around that time and the kids were all taken home in cop cars.
We were like 12.

I don't remember hanging out with these kids after, I am sure I did but I remember it changed us.
Not unlike Stand By Me "you want to see a dead body?"
Sure,  .99 cent lipstick wasn't a dead body but in my stupid little town, sitting in the back of a cop car when you were 12 or 13 was a preview for most. You either never did anything to get you back there or you ended up back there all the time.

I remember a "friend" telling me I "had to" steal it. I am sure "if you want to be cool" was said, and even though that is very After School Special of her, that is how kids are.
Right?
You have to do this to be cool. You have to wear this... what is that bullshit and why is it still being fed to our kids?

Here's my guy on his pride and joy.

If you live in the hood, it is a FIT BMX bike

all black with red details

black and silver pegs on the front and back wheels.

Damn.

If you haven't checked out our new website you should!

spaghettifamily.com

Parenting 10fuck you.

There's a lot of chatter about parenting advice blogs. About how there are too many, most are fucking stupid and practically all of them are getting paid through ad's to get the idiotic message to you- the consumer of bullshit advice from people that probably don't have kids. Or don't raise them themselves or just suck as humans.

This is not one of them. I just spelled "advice" wrong both times in that last paragraph. If you take anything away from my blog, don't let it be advice of either the spelling, grammar or parenting. This is merely a way for you to waste 5 minutes as you sign into your work computer and pretend to start your day. This is for you, sucka.

Why do people assume they know dick about what you do or what works for your family?
I am always, ALWAYS under the impression that I don't know shit about other peoples lives. That I could not AND would not want to live their life, so the last thing I am going to do is talk shit about the way they are doing it.

Lately it has been coming to my attention that I am being judged. Left and motherfucking right.
Ya, I know, "who cares?" and all of that and for the most part I agree. Who cares?
Well. Me.
Now I care.
Someone told me one time (my therapist) that if something that someone else says bothers you, you are probably feeling guilt about it. That maybe there is a shred of truth in what they are saying.

She was a bitch and I never went back.

I think the human mind can only put up with so much. We are not equipped to hold our tongue forever. It's not natural.

But lets not get off point here.
What I am talking about is that there are people in our lives, all of us, who do not agree with what we are doing in life. They find it their business to speak out to let you know that you are making a mistake, that you are doing it wrong and I just want to stand against that. I want everyone to know that unless you came out of my vagina- you have no say in what I do. None. Nothing. Fuck off.

Last day!

It's in the air in my house. You can practically taste that today is the last day we are without our main man. I am not sure how we do it. All of us. I am not sure how we go so long, keeping our shit together when it feels like it is so close to falling apart sometimes. But what does that really mean? To fall apart?

Eddie will be home in time for dinner tomorrow and I feel I will have a mental collapse. I'm hanging by a thread, I will most likely drink too much tonight.

This morning started out with a giant grease fire, in which caught me completely off guard (cover it people, get a lid and cover it). I knew what to do but I completely forgot for that split second you have, kids were watching, I recovered well. I fucking googled it.

Today we all feel closer than ever. We are making beds and emptying the trash in the basement that we forget about for weeks. We are throwing up our arms, surrendering to the week we will have with him, before he is off again. We brace ourselves for the next 3 months, in which we will see him for no more than 10 days. 10 very good, amazing days.

Day 13 Vegan

So I started this journey with one goal in mind. To finally lose the weight I have hung onto after having Zeke. I knew I couldn't diet, per say. I would never want to do something drastic to lose weight knowing full well I would gain it all back. An elimination diet is something that has always interested me. I could see where if you take things out, rather than eat something in particular, you could maintain your weight loss by slowly incorporating the food back in. Well, if it was good food.

I personally think that meat and dairy are healthy, I know some people think it isn't-  I am not one of them. I also believe that dairy and meat can be high in fat and calories, so I decided to go vegan. For a week. Now it has been two. Next week, three?

I stopped eating gluten and refined sugar about a month ago. I read somewhere that gluten intolerance manifests itself and causes bloating, weight gain- I am a low carb eater for the most part, never really completely eliminating them because I have three kids. No carbs equals zero energy, so I needed to be smart but if I took out gluten and it helped me feel better, then I am all for it.

Anyway.... I am pretty hardcore. I have to admit, this wouldn't be a good thing for anyone who eats on the fly, who grabs lunch or whatever. I have to think about breakfast before I go to bed (well, not anymore) I need to make sure I don't wake up and get rolling on my day and forget to eat. I'm not just feeding a coupe dogs here, I have to wake up with a baby, a 4 year old and a teenager. Everyone has different needs and up until recently, I guess I wasn't making my needs be important. I knew I wasn't happy with my weight but I'm like everyone else, busy.

I still hate that word.

Now that it has been a couple weeks, I am eating the same few things in the morning and it works for me. Lunch is usually last nights dinner to keep it easy or something simple. I snack on bananas, hummus and anything whole or made by me.

So two weeks in and the 21 day challenge still within my reach, I am feeling pretty proud of myself. It hasn't always been easy but for the most part my desire to complete losing the weight is way more powerful than any deli sandwich (one of the things I miss most). I haven't had a latte in a month but I don't miss that really. I drink green'black tea all day long along with 2 liters of water, which has proved to be a challenge but a good one.

Vegan is a way of eating that doesn't have to be as hard as you think. When I go to the store I just buy fruit, veg and grains. My house is stocked with canned tomatoes and beans, spices and frozen veg. I added rice and rice noodles which are amazing when you are not eating meat, gluten or dairy.
I get a lot of "what are you eating? I could never do that!" and it is basically all real food. I use coconut oil instead of butter, beans and tofu instead of meat. It's been cold so soup has been on the menu a lot. I have started eating farro, even though it is low in gluten, it still contains it. But that stuff is amazing- better than any rice or pasta I've had.

So here's to you and whatever your journey is. Whether it be weight loss or otherwise, I encourage you to knock yourself out.

Well shit.

On February 20th I handed my teenage son his first iphone. I should add with great trepidation. I had a lot of reservation but the bottom line for me, was the fact that I don't believe kids need to have the Internet at their fingertips.  Shit, half of the people I know don't need it and would probably make better company if they didn't have it. Reluctantly I gave in. No reason why, it was there, so I gave it to him.

Call me crazy.

Call me a clairvoyant.

February 22,  my son gave out his number to someone he "knows" through Instagram and almost immediately we saw the magnitude of the mistake.

I will take you back.

This person, who is probably 50 years old, befriended my son through IG a while back. Like so many "followers" you don't really investigate. I check and see who he is following because up until last week, I had no reason to think it mattered who was looking at his pictures. Originally I thought he would be safe as long as he was following "safe" people. Skaters, friends, Kashimo...

This thing that we are dealing with has legs like you would not believe. We are finding out, left and right I might add, how very susceptible our kid is. How very easy it is for even the "good" kids to get taken.

I say "good kids" not because I think my guy's is perfect. He is a kid, he has his days. But he is not one of those kids on IG tagging everything in sight to get followers. He isn't obsessed with that part of it. He really likes just taking weird videos with his friends and photos of his dog. He is not a typical kid online. Not for his age, so I guess what I am saying is I thought he was aware.

Well... he is now.

I hate to get all serious, as that is something I usually am not. I like to live free and not have too much drama or heavy stuff in my life but lately it is all around but unlike the other crap, this is important.

This is heavy. If you have a child, I suggest you read it, forward it, post it, share it and not because I am an awesome writer but because this wasn't going to happen to us. We were "prepared", we talked about this kind of stuff. Privacy and all of that but what I am learning about teenagers or kids in general- you kind of have to think of everything and if you don't- welp!, there's a window.

So I am sharing.

The "friendship" started with a common interest and comments went back and forth on pictures but if I am being honest, this guy commented way too much. He was like one of those people that introduces themselves by saying "I'm not a stalker..." we get that a lot. Anyway, then one day he PM'd my son. Private message for those who are still under that rock. After that he PM'd him a few more times, then he sent him a picture of his phone number and said he would send him a new phone case for his new iphone. This was the first time I knew he was "talking" to this guy. I didn't know it was a PM though, I saw the pic and the comment and we joked (Q and I) because Q had also, the day before, posted a message from Amazon about something he had ordered not coming until April, only problem was the message also included our address. I let him off the hook because it was an easy mistake. We laughed and said "well, he's go your address". Seriously, when I think back I see the magnitude. They (I) say "kids are dumb" but I now feel really dumb.

The guy was not on my radar at all and maybe he didn't need to be but I believe when you, a grown "man" ask a kid to text you, you have crossed the line. You are up to no good. You should know better and if you don't- well, if this guy didn't, he does now.

I wanted to share this because I believe that kids are really, really smart but at the same time, they are really really stupid. Just like us. They think something is harmless and then in an instant everything changes. I am the kind of parent that I like to teach my child about things that happen, without them always having to go through that thing. I grew up going through everything and I felt beat up a lot as a kid- I wanted better. This is something I felt was in my job description. I felt like I had this covered.

I failed.

Looking through this guys IG, he follows mostly young boys. He comments on his pictures a lot about being on the "sofa" and upon further investigation I noticed he goes to kids pages and tags other creepy guys, so that they will be made aware of the kids page. Some of the pages look like they are dummy pages for pedophiles. Like for REAL. It's all I can think about. What if he would have sent Q a picture of himself. Of something disgusting?

I would destroy him.

I know who this guy is. I know where he lives. If he ever contacts my child again I will absolutely plaster his name everywhere. Especially with the police.

After cutting ties with this freak, he posted this passive aggressive IG about how 'if you are going to post stuff on IG don't be shocked when people reply, that is what's supposed to happen'.
I know it was directed toward my child and it makes my skin crawl all over again. He didn't just reply to a post, he reached out privately to a child. A CHILD! When my son and I talked about it we were discussing how when he was little it was all "don't take candy from strangers". This guy knows teens don't want candy, so he offers something else. It is the same damn thing.

If I am wrong about this guy. I don't care.

I am pretty solid on my Momdar and it went off when I was privy to the fact that this guy asked for my sons number. As soon as I heard it I was seeing 100% clear on the matter. I'm grossed out. I am sick to my stomach and I have learned, along with my son, a very valuable lesson.

They say no harm no foul but I kinda beg to differ.

Surprise?

I don't like surprises.

I have never really been on the receiving end of any amazing ones, although one time my friends and I were celebrating my birthday and my Mom and sister showed up. In Michigan. Unannounced. I think it was my 23 birthday. It was not such a good surprise. I mean it was good to see them, of course but I think there were  about 12 naked people in the hot tub- girls from my work... which was another surprise (more for them than me) they found out where I really worked. Ha! Good times.
So yeah... in general, I don't love surprises.

They are usually not purely a surprise and the thought of acting like you had no idea is not that appealing. Or like the above. What do you do when the surprise isn't good? What do you do with all of that?

The other thing that comes to my mind is the thought that you could have made it better. That is such a woman thing to think but I am being honest. Sometimes surprises aren't good for lackluster planning skills or bad timing OR the person throwing the surprise for you is really the one wanting the attention.
That is the worst.

I am thinking about surprises because I am planning a rather big one soon. It has been awhile since I have had the energy to even think about something fun, let alone pull it off. When you have kids it is hard to plan it all and the thought of putting in all the work for it to just get canceled at the last minute keeps me from really diving in. But I guess that is life, right? You have to either shit or get off the pot. Is that the saying? It's gross but I love it.

I am going to shit. I am not going to just get off the pot without shitting.