Roof chicken.

I have been getting a lot of pity looks lately. Maybe it is because I look like absolute shit or maybe it is because people feel that I need it?

I don't.

People ask how long Eddie has been gone, or I just share the stats for conversation purposes and it is instantly a pity party. And I LOVE parties!

But not this kind of party.

It's startling, I'll admit, when you hear that he will be with us for 9 days out of approx. 270 (who's counting? HA!) but it is what we do. It is who we are right now. It is not easy, it's hard and it sucks but it is, for better or worse, all we know.

Damn, that sounds depressing.

I often think how much in common we have with military families but then I pull those thoughts back because to say what we are doing is remotely like what they are doing is just wrong. Similar in the tiniest way and that is still nothing. I can't imagine but I can imagine they get the pity party too. And I would have to say that they knew what they were getting into as well.

Anyway-

I appreciate concern and help. I am never one to shy away from a friend who likes to lend a hand or an ear. Even those who shower us with love, be it mail, food or alcohol, I will always be thankful and grateful.

I just don't want your pity.

I don't get to wake up next to my husband every day.
This is true.
I don't get to go on a date with him. Ours consist of Facetime and phone calls, sometimes at 2 a.m. so I can get a chance to talk- kids need their FT too.

I do 100% of the parenting 90% of the time and even though sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong, pleasing seemingly no one, looking a mess.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Because this is my life. This is what I am choosing to do with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now.
There are things that are starting to make me wonder if we are doing it right, and so begins our next journey. I need to come up with a cool thing to call "it". The word "journey" is forever attached to the cheesy band (I'm not hating on your bad choice in music) so that is not right. "Adventure" sounds like we are going to the jungle and "next step" sounds like I am going back to rehab.
None of these fit the bill. It'll come to me...

So when you are thinking about your friend who's life is much different than yours but they are happy and healthy- don't give them sad eyes. Sometimes the most insane things for us are quite perfect for another.

www.kickme.com

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12 things about myself

I'll play along.

1. It is really hard to talk about myself. My real self. The one that I apparently only let some people know. I'm friendly but complex. My life doesn't always make sense to the average bear.

2. I can't stand when people talk about themselves all of the time. If we leave the restaurant or hang up the phone and you didn't ask about me, my family or my life- you are out of the deal. See above.

3. I am a really, really good Mother. I believe that to my core. I have never felt so natural in all my life, in 37 years of living in this world, doing anything but this. I was meant to do this.

4. I feel like I gave up a big part of who I might have been, to have a child. I had hopes and dreams that had nothing to do with a baby. I am so glad I did this.

5. I now have a fear of water. Even seeing pictures of people swimming, or swimming on TV. It didn't happen right away, a couple weeks after the accident. It's palpable. I hate it and have to see someone about it.

6. A few years ago I was desperate for a real friend. Someone that I could count on and be there for. Someone like I never had, well since having kids. I wrote about it. I put it out in the universe and I got her.

7. At 7 years of being married, we almost got divorced. Like, really really. Best thing I never did.

8. When I married my husband, I thought it wouldn't last. I believed everyone who told us we were crazy, I was completely content with crazy and thought it sounded fun.

9. I'm 99% sure I am done having babies.

10. I went to rehab when I was 16.

11. I had "Daddy issues" when I was growing up. It wasn't until my husband showed me what a Dad really was, that I realized he was the only Dad I needed in my life. The kind of Father he is to our kids is beyond what anyone could have been for me (if they had ever actually tried).

12. Next year we are going to do something completely crazy, life changing and toe curling-ly fun. And all I can think is that I hope it doesn't mean I will die at age 76. #midlifecrisis