Last day!

It's in the air in my house. You can practically taste that today is the last day we are without our main man. I am not sure how we do it. All of us. I am not sure how we go so long, keeping our shit together when it feels like it is so close to falling apart sometimes. But what does that really mean? To fall apart?

Eddie will be home in time for dinner tomorrow and I feel I will have a mental collapse. I'm hanging by a thread, I will most likely drink too much tonight.

This morning started out with a giant grease fire, in which caught me completely off guard (cover it people, get a lid and cover it). I knew what to do but I completely forgot for that split second you have, kids were watching, I recovered well. I fucking googled it.

Today we all feel closer than ever. We are making beds and emptying the trash in the basement that we forget about for weeks. We are throwing up our arms, surrendering to the week we will have with him, before he is off again. We brace ourselves for the next 3 months, in which we will see him for no more than 10 days. 10 very good, amazing days.

Roof chicken.

I have been getting a lot of pity looks lately. Maybe it is because I look like absolute shit or maybe it is because people feel that I need it?

I don't.

People ask how long Eddie has been gone, or I just share the stats for conversation purposes and it is instantly a pity party. And I LOVE parties!

But not this kind of party.

It's startling, I'll admit, when you hear that he will be with us for 9 days out of approx. 270 (who's counting? HA!) but it is what we do. It is who we are right now. It is not easy, it's hard and it sucks but it is, for better or worse, all we know.

Damn, that sounds depressing.

I often think how much in common we have with military families but then I pull those thoughts back because to say what we are doing is remotely like what they are doing is just wrong. Similar in the tiniest way and that is still nothing. I can't imagine but I can imagine they get the pity party too. And I would have to say that they knew what they were getting into as well.

Anyway-

I appreciate concern and help. I am never one to shy away from a friend who likes to lend a hand or an ear. Even those who shower us with love, be it mail, food or alcohol, I will always be thankful and grateful.

I just don't want your pity.

I don't get to wake up next to my husband every day.
This is true.
I don't get to go on a date with him. Ours consist of Facetime and phone calls, sometimes at 2 a.m. so I can get a chance to talk- kids need their FT too.

I do 100% of the parenting 90% of the time and even though sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong, pleasing seemingly no one, looking a mess.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Because this is my life. This is what I am choosing to do with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now.
There are things that are starting to make me wonder if we are doing it right, and so begins our next journey. I need to come up with a cool thing to call "it". The word "journey" is forever attached to the cheesy band (I'm not hating on your bad choice in music) so that is not right. "Adventure" sounds like we are going to the jungle and "next step" sounds like I am going back to rehab.
None of these fit the bill. It'll come to me...

So when you are thinking about your friend who's life is much different than yours but they are happy and healthy- don't give them sad eyes. Sometimes the most insane things for us are quite perfect for another.