Monday, May 19, 2014

Why I'm not mad at Gwyneth.

I have been taking a long hard look at myself lately.
The things that piss me off, I have started to dissect them.
The things I seemingly can't let go of, I have been taking the steps to let go of them.
I am not sure why. I feel like most of us get to a point where we just want to shake our bodies and minds so hard we are able to dislodge all the bullshit but my dizzy head keeps telling me that is not how it works.

I really, truly believe that we are all in charge of our own happiness.
No this isn't me showing you how hippie I can be.
This is me getting real and I hope it helps someone else get real too.

When Gwyneth Paltrow was put on blast for saying the things she said I was with everyone, I thought it was inconceivable that she would A. know what the hell it is like to be a "regular" Mom, let alone a one that has a "regular" job and 2. how dare she  put "us" on a hook like that!
I was fired up a little, some were fired up a lot, like this gal, but then I realized everything I was reading and thinking was passing judgement on her and THAT is why the royal we were upset to begin with- because she was passing judgement on us. Hello, circle.

I haven't sat up nights thinking about this but when I was doing my reflecting about myself, I realized that this is not about me, it is not about you- it is about everyone. Well, except for probably Oprah. That woman is as close to a God as I will ever worship. She blows my fucking mind. When she speaks, I listen. When she loves, I learn. Think it's hokey? Good for you. I am all set, thanks.

So back to Gwynnie.
Her opinions were just that. They were hers. She doesn't know you and more importantly you don't know her. The more I thought about it I was sort of siding with her. We don't know what it is like to be on set all day. I don't know what it is like to wake up before my kids and be gone all day and then come home to them asleep. That would crush me.
She doesn't know what it is like for any of us either but for her, she thinks it is harder. That's it. That is all, she is not bashing, she was just saying. Her opinion of how hard my life is or is not doesn't really concern me. Unless she knocks on my door and wants me to show her, I don't assume she was talking about me, specific. Nor you, or you, or you.

Am I hating on the housewife or the working Mom. Hell no.
I have been a housewife and a working Mom and I am currently doing both of those things simotaneously for the better part of 2 years and no comment from anyone is going to make me think they have it harder OR that I have it harder. This is my life. The one I am in charge of.

Where things got ugly is when people started talking about how it must be rough to be a millonaire and have nannies and chefs and cleaning ladies. Drivers and door men and an assistant, all the help you could want in life, but what we are all forgetting, I believe, is that she is still a Mother. There is no stand in for a Mother. Even if you don't have to actively do things for your kid, no one can stand in for your actual being there. There is no hire you could have that will look and feel like you. No amount of money could be paid to make your kids believe you are actually there. That just can't happen.
I think we are also forgetting that money can't buy you togetherness or happiness.
That is the long and the short of it for me. I can't hate on her. I don't feel sorry for her either and more to the point I don't feel those things for myself after reading her article. Although you didn't even have to read the thing, everyone was talking about it. Everyone had the same opinion too. Hate. They pretty much hated her white, rich ass and I think it is unhealthy and pointless and really just more proof that no matter what part of the world you come from, whether you have money or not, most women love to tear down women.

Not me. Not anymore. Did I ever? I am sure I did. That is how we were all raised. Not by our parents per say but just by society. We were taught to not like her because she is a slut, she's s drunk, she's a liar, she's a bad Mom, she's cheating on her husband... why do we care? Why are we programmed to do this? Men aren't like this. They just aren't made that way.

Think about it. When is the last time your husband, brother, Dad came to you talking shit about the guy at the bar, gym, park, work? No? Not happening? Why? Why is that?
I think it is because men worked together to get ahead. Ahead of what, you ask?


That's right, you heard me. They all worked together to get ahead of the women in society, they banded together and they did it. Look at us. We can have the same job and work in the same office and on Friday the paycheck is ACTUALLY DIFFERENT! WTF? How did we let this happen?
Why do men overestimate their abilities and we underestimate?

Boy, did I ever just hop topics... I believe they are connected though.
How many people do you know hate their job?
Now how many of them are men?

Friday, May 9, 2014

When you get sick of it all,

shut up.

Seriously, just shut up already.
I should take my own advice I guess, but what fun would that be?

Seems like every few months a bunch of people get sick of it all. Like of everything.
Meaning, your comments, your pictures, your parenting style and what you had for dinner. Your desire to take a FB quiz because you want to know what kind of wild animal you would be, or which character on Friends you would most likely marry. They don't even want to see your face anymore. Didn't you hear? Selfies are out this month.

I guess it is all part of it. Part of social media. It's social, says it right there in the title and we all get sick of our friends in real life, so being that this is a media version means you too are getting sick of them and their shit.

But why tell them? Honestly, I feel like it is the lamest form of complaining. Being a social shamer by going on a rant about how lame it is to have 25 pictures uploaded of a cat or because someone wants to write about what they ate, how far they ran, is the equivalent of yelling at someone as you pass them on the road. It's just dumb and a complete negative to society.

We are all haters. Like me, right now. At this very minute I am hating all over the haters of social media. Recently I read an quiz, however funny it was, about how to tell how annoying you are on FB. Funny thing was you had to take the quiz to find out but in the fucking thing said you were lame because you take quizes! Like... you can't win!

I would tell you when I think you are being lame, if I gave two shits. Usually I just stop coming around and for the most part when people stop coming around me, I assume they are thinking the same about and that is A-OK. I am perfectly fine with that.

I just wonder why it happens so incessantly? Like why all of the sudden does it seem like people are coming out of the woodwork to complain? When I answer the phone and the voice on the other end starts complaining, I completely glaze over and wish I wouldn't have picked up. Not that I can't be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen but sometimes it is just too much.

My gut tells me the windfall of complaints flooding my FB wall is as simple as this-
people are sheep. When they read a complaint, even if quasi comical, "enough pictures of your kids already!", that person then takes the lead and vents their frustration or maybe targets someone who is on their nerves. They take the false security that the internet gives you and they lay into something or worse, someone.

 Just stop it. Get over yourselves. Whatever happened to talking about people behind their backs? Were you not raised right? All the passive aggressive shit online is gross and annoying and it makes me stay away... maybe that is how it should be. Maybe some of us take the hint and we just stop going back to the thing that annoys us... maybe.

I like social media. I don't like this part but I like hearing my friend Jonna get excited when her hockey team wins or when Danny shares a disgusting picture or when Jenn runs 6 miles. I like that. I even like when some friends take 20 selfies, I think it is silly and sweet and if that makes them feel good, I am not going to make fun of them on their FB wall. There are plenty of people that post things that are annoying, abrasive political rants or putting their partner on blast and you want to know what I do? I just click a button and it's gone.