Monday, May 27, 2013

The "f" word.

Okay, okay. I have had it. Seriously, I have had it with my baby body. My baby is staring down less than the last 30 days before he is celebrating one glorious year on earth and I am staring down, not a pound lost the last 6 months.
What can I say, I'm vain? Not really, I just know I don't want to be one of those people that wakes up in their mid 40's and thinks "why didn't I lose this weight 10 years ago?" or get into shape, rather.
For a lot of people it is about being skinny. That is not me. I am not and have never been super skinny and I am not in the slightest wanting to be skinny. But I do want to be in shape. More desperately by the minute (summer is right around the corner!!).
About 3 weeks ago I started looking into the science of weight loss, weight gain- I don't sleep well and so I usually troll around and diagnose that ache I have or the weird freckle I found... but I really wanted to figure out why I haven't lost any weight.
Back story? Alright, if you insist.
At my sons old Elementary school I agreed (with baby Zeke) to do this empathy workshop with a class of 3rd graders. I was super excited and really glad I did it, It's called "Root Of Empathy". Anyway, in the class you have to weigh yourself, then hold the baby- the kids subtract your weight and figure out the babys weight... see where I am going with this?
So in September I was like "hey, not so bad, I just had a baby", even though I was heavier than I thought I would be (I don't regularly weigh myself) I wasn't too unhappy. I mean at that point I wasn't even thinking about losing weight. I was just thinking about not misplacing a kid and waking up 5 times a night...
Then in January I knew it was going to be ugly. I felt bigger. I did. I felt the breastfeeding diet (cereal at 3 a.m.) was not doing me so well. I felt sluggish. When I got weighed I was exactly the same. So I told myself, that I wanted to lose some weight before the final weigh in, which would be in June (ended up being in May, a bit earlier than I hoped;)
So I hopped on the scale and you would not believe I had gained 7 pounds. 7.
My favorite number used to BE 7 and now it is just the fucking number of lbs I gained while I was trying to lose weight.
But let me clarify.
I did nothing to lose weight between January and May. Nada.
I talked about it. I thought about it. I wanted it to be but I just didn't do it and getting that slap in the face. The 7lb weight gain... well, I'm sure as shit listening now.
I went home and became immediately serious about implementing the weight loss program... So what was I going to do?
I had figured out, one sleepless night, that I was consuming about 3 times the amount of calories that I would need for LOSING weight. So not only was I eating more than I should, even for breastfeeding, I was eating enough to gain weight. And I did. See how that worked out?
To lose weight, doing my daily workout of... well, living, I need to consume no less than 1100 calories and no more than 1300 to LOSE weight. If I factor in some extra workouts (I walk to the park, play, walk dogs and run after a toddler and a baby but I don't go to the gym every day and I don't walk 2 miles like I would want to, still waiting on that double stroller).
Basically I am counting calories like a motherfucker. And I know that sounds lame and weird and like a lot of work but I WANTED to lose weight. I didn't want to WISH I had lost it.
I wake up and I know how many calories I can have that day (I am doing 6 days on 1 day cheat). After two or three days of counting calories (I used "my fitness pal" app, it's amazing) I can now just do it in my head. I know what 2-3 cups of my coffee makes up (I add hazelnut creamer, not low-fat or sugar free. I want to lose weight but I am super anti sugar free/fat free chemical stuff). I know I can have eggs and avocado (with Sriracha!) I like to have a couple of snacks so I do bananas (110 calories each) and I eat an ass load of tuna (50 calories a CAN). Lettuce is free most veggies have only 40-50 calories a cup. I know how much oil I need to dress my salads, I use a lot of spices and vinegars. The best thing is, is that I am able to eat anything. You could even have fast food (but don't)  you just have to count the calories.
For any of you out there that want to lose weight and have wanted to- now is the time.
It is NOT easy. You can NOT starve yourself or fast or drink shakes. There is no miracle cookie diet.
You have to get off your fat ass and figure out what you can put into it. Exercise is key, whatever it is. Even if it is purposely walking up and down your stairs or walking your dog extra fast. Do something, but exercise alone doesn't work and neither does dieting alone. It's a tag team. Get up in it.
I figured out the "serving size" of everything (did you know a bag of BBQ lays is not ONE serving? Oh, you did? I didn't. I eat the whole bag. Now I just don't buy them but if I did I would know that a serving is not that much (1 oz) and there are about 160 calories in that, so to me it is not worth it. That is like 2 hardboiled eggs, my fav snack).
I don't plan on counting my calories forever. I do know that my friend Matt makes the best ribs ever, so I will always, always, always make my cheat day when he and his wonderful family invite me over for dinner. But I'm serious y'all. I am not happy where I am at. I am not happy that when I wear the baby carrier, my belly gets squeezed out the bottom. That is not me! Damnit. It is NOT. I am fit and healthy and I have a nice fucking body... well, I did. Now it is in the need of a little help and I am doing it.
I think you should too.
For sample menus, see below but know that it is not as hard as it seems.
I know what I can have, that is the best part. Knowing what and how much is so important, so you can still have anything. If someone else has something delicious I have a bite and more than ever before, it is enough. I have had ice cream once in the last 3 weeks now and I used to eat ice cream every night since I was 6 months pregnant. I started because of heart burn and ended because of ego burn.
Figure out how much you weigh, what you want to weigh and then find out the number of calories you would have to eat to get there. My fitness pal even calculates that for you. It says "if you eat X amount of calories you will weigh this much on this day". I dig that. It is so helpful for me.
Okay, we should talk about drinking because I can't get rid of that.
There are about 150 calories in wine and beer, so I get two a day. Sometimes I want more so then I do some jumping jacks and extra dance moves when I am making dinner.

This is an example of my day:
1 hardboiled egg (90)
3T of creamer (90)
3 cups of coffee (10)
1 slice of whole wheat toast (100)
Coconut oil and cinnamon (60)
Spinach (7)
sliced turkey ((60)
pickles (0)
avocado (120)
carrots (30)
spanish cheddar (120)
Tofu (90)
spinach (7)
asparagus (20)
red potatoes (120)
2 bananas (100)
babybel (50)
2 glasses of milk (100)

Thats a lot of food and still well under 1300
I drink more water than usual too. I like to drink a glass before I eat and throughout the day.
When you get to know your calories and what is in what, it is easy to switch eggs for breakfast with oatmeal of even regular cereal. I also started buying fat free milk because it has less calories and so I can have plenty.
Another tip (if you like them) is that I boil up a dozen eggs every Sunday or Monday, so they are always ready,. I never run out of bananas because if I need to eat like RIGHT NOW, it is better to have that stuff on hand. Otherwise grabbing something high in calories is bound to happen. I will enjoy plenty of BBQ lays in my future but for now, not so much.

I'll would like to keep posting about this. If anyone has anything to add, please do. I am in no way a doctor or dietician but I do know that it is working. I am feeling good, and after the first week I guess I feel less and less like I am on a diet. There are times when I just want to get in a dark room with a pizza but I want this more. Now. I do.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mothers Day serenade.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mother's Day. My new three day weekend.

There's a lot being said about Mother's Day lately, I'm no rocket scientists but I'm guessing it because it is tomorrow. I think it is cool to read things in the paper or see them online, about great things that people are doing for their Mothers. Schools that are making a deal out of it, famous people (yes, famous people have Mom's too.. well, except for Lindsey) are giving their Mom's cars, restaurants are having cute brunches . It's awesome. I love it. It's like Valentines Day and your birthday, except it's just you, your littles and all the love you can handle.
We don't do presents really. I mean sometimes they do, but for the most part it's just about getting breakfast in bed (which is my FAVORITE thing in the world) having the kids be nice to each other, sneaking out at some point with a girlfriend and that is about it. We don't do flowers (except maybe at the Farmers Market, which we do after my lazy, lazy brunch) or chocolate. We don't buy diamonds or fancy bags. No lavish necklaces or rings. If we had the money to spend 15K on a ring, I would give the money to my local food bank and give my very best beauty pageant wave as they all carried me down the street on a thrown. I mean, can you imagine? That's probably a different blog entry all together but really, to know me is to know that I am not flashy and I need for not.
Where was I? I'm getting all worked up over the thought of the things I could do with Kardashian money and it wouldn't be taking Kanye (hows your head buddy?) to lunch. Anyway...
What I am saying is, is that our day is simple and oh so special. It is a day I don't have to plan and I don't have to make anything happen but I still get to be a part of it. A big part. I get to be myself and enjoy my work, which is raising all these damn kids!
This bring me to my point and my disclaimer is that I have no backing information on this person, so obviously there's more to the story but I read a Facebook post the other day and I was so floored, I had to respond. You know, to someone I am not friends with nor do I "like" their page. A friend of mine commented on the post that read "... do you think being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, ever? (Spoiler alert, I don't"."
Needless to say it struck a cord with me and not because I was having a rough day, it was just like reading something that goes against every bone in your body. I think this person doesn't believe in Mother's Day altogether,  I had to reply- so here's what I said.

"I find this post odd. "Over glorifying motherhood'? Is there such a thing? Some surgeons
are awful at what they do, have you never seen Mickey Rourke? Ditch digging? Have you ever done this? I'd use the term "suck" not "hard". (someone had said they thought Motherhood was easy and that surgeons and ditch diggers had the hardest jobs....)
Some Mothers are terrible but if you do it well, how is anyone to say it's not the hardest job? Isn't that just a figure of speech? The word "job" means: 'paid position of regular employment". If you guys are getting paid, I'm definitely doing it wrong. I work at parenting my 12,3 and 10 month old full time, round the clock and it's no joke. But I find my work an investment for my/our future. I plan to take my success in this position all the way to the proverbial bank when the last one is out of the nest.
Whether they dig ditches, become surgeons OR be stay at home parents (or any combination) that's what I am choosing to do with my life. Well, a big part of it anyway.
It's work. Hard, constant work. I could never feel "over glorified". Can you imagine? Too much praise? No. Praise on. I need it.
The blanket statement of "chardonnay, useless husbands and sticky icky kids"... You said it, maybe that is how you really feel?
In my downtime, I find my friends and I talking about the crazy world headlines, how to potty train our toddlers and keeping our pre-teens out of trouble. Things like that.
I feel odd chiming into a faceless FB thread but I hear/see posts and conversations about this and I just don't get it. If parenthood is easy for you, I think that's great. I think you are perpetually high, but I still think it's great. "

So that's that. I had a lot to say and I am not sure why really. I don't care if others don't want to take a day and bask in their greatness. That's fine, there will be more mimosas and massage chairs open because of it but I can't help but think it is doing more harm than good. But my parenting philosophy is different than those that agree with this kind of thinking. There are comments about "martyr syndrome" and using exhaustion as a status symbol. They speak of not using sippy cups with our kids and not praising kids for what is perceived to be mediocre behavior. I'd like to think that I am pretty awesome human and a fine parent but I know as a child I was pretty awful. I wet the bed far into my school age life and I picked my nose and sucked my thumb. What does that say about me now? How was that any indication of what kind of person I would be? Was I humiliated? Ya and you know, that part molded me and not in a stellar way. I find it hard to push the "grow up" attitude on my kids. I don't want them to grow up. I know they will/are but I would just assume Quattro stay 8 (best age!) and Elvis stay 3. I would like that baby to stay a baby but I bet he is going to be really fun to talk to...
How does anyone know what your kid is capable of? What is perceived as mediocre in one kid could be like amazing in another kid. My son played basketball and I was so proud of him in the final game. He finally got the guts to shoot the damn thing (after spending the entire season passing it to someone else) that it was as if he graduated high school as valedictorian. I was so proud. I took him to dinner. Yes, I did. I took him to dinner to celebrate his guts because it took him 3 months to get them. He missed the shot but he will never remember that part. He will only remember how proud HE was of himself.

There's a group of women (and lets face it, a shitload of men) that think that since Motherhood is a choice that you should not be struggling or looking up to people that we may think do things better. That you shouldn't celebrate a day with a glass of wine, while being exhausted because that means you are trendy. I find more and more that people who are talking about Mothers hating Mothers ARE actually the Mothers that hate Mothers. 


I find myself looking up to women and their kids all the time. I see families on IG, FB and day to day and I think "damn, they have go it figured out" but I am not serious. When I am tired because I have had a long day, it's not because I can't handle it, it's simply because I am exhausted. End of my daily rope, can't take another minute, want to guzzle something so I feel happy again.
Is that so bad?

Maybe. And you know, c'est la vie, to each her own, just a pinch, a little goes a long way... blah blah blahhhhh.

I will say that I think Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had. Sure I stopped working for the man when I was 23, but I am working my ass off every day, every week, every month and every year. Some days I am on fire and people look at me and think I have it all, but something tells me they know I don't. I am simply doing my best and that, is worth it's weight in gold and a mothercussing breakfast in bed.