Monday, September 29, 2014

Wool is for socks, not for eyes.


Let me preface this with I am not doing it perfect, the parenting thing. I am not even attempting to be perfect and I know that there will be times that I am comfy with my head in the sand. So just to be clear, I am an observer in this blog post. It is just too hard to ignore these days.

Parenting is hard. It is hard enough when someone is not judging you but even harder when you feel you have to defend yourself or your choices. But when does that defense mechanism malfunction and throws us into being just defensive and passive aggressive?

Honey, it's happening.

Lately, and I don't know if this is because I have a teenager or because high school is looming but instead of conversation and information- a lot of the talks turn parents into defending their choice, even when the choice is the very subject we are debating. I find it hard to talk to someone who is completely unsure of their stance yet unable to discuss different ways of doing things. It is not only counterproductive, it is insanely annoying.

Why are we so judgmental, girl?

And I am too. Being a homeschooling parent has put me into this place that most people know nothing about they either think it sounds amazing or they hate it. It's like sushi. You know when someone has never had it but they say how gross it is? If they want to know something, they just have to ask and a lot of friends and parents do. I find I have to beg myself not to judge when it comes to children in a religious school. Not because I think organized religion is a crock but because it seems the parents do too. Yet, these parents are sending their kids there. This confuses me. If it isn't something you do not believe in, what message is that sending the kids? I don't care where anyones kid goes to school. I don't. I have friends that have their kids in catholic school and took them out, I have friends that have their kids in private school and love it. I also have friends that have kids in catholic school and their kids enjoy it, those people are practicing catholics. My Mother grew up in the Catholic school and I grew up in like 8. I don't have any room to say what is better for any kid, shit I am still figuring out what is good for my kids- but I have a hard time swallowing the logic of putting a non-religious kid in a facility that pumps religion. Not only are the kids being subject to the religion (in which you may or may not worship in your home) but you are also giving that church money to fund their... trying not to offend here but it is really hard.
You know what I'm saying.

My son went to a public school and then in 6th grade got into a sort of charter school. It is not a charter but is it is an alternative learning school (not the kind for delinquents like myself) they sort of beat to their own drum there- well in theory. He went there with the mindset that this would be a different style of learning. Maybe a more eclectic style, less sitting in a desk. Everyone calls it the "hippie school" well usually the parents who have never so much as set foot inside. It was supposed to be less.. I don't really know, less traditional style learning, in some ways it was and some ways it wasn't.

So, here's my point. I did have one, I think.
My point is, I sent my kid to this school because I thought it would fit HIM more. I thought he would benefit from a little unique style learning, that would keep him interested in learning. He is a good student but he is really creative and sometimes a standard desk doesn't really enhance that in a child.  I thought it was suit him. Not me. I wasn't looking for a school to change my kids path, I wasn't looking for it to fix him in anyway, just enhance him and let his love of learning continue.

I  may be wrong but I think a lot of people are looking to schools and religion to change things in a fundamental way that I don't believe is possible. That is why a lot of people find God and I am not debating that here. I am not in a position to discuss whether religion is good for you.  I believe in this case, it is stifling to the child. The work that goes into raising a child and a troubled one is done at home, therapy I believe. I think there is this idea that we can stick our kids in a place (in which they may or may not belong) and it will turn them out okay. It will somehow funnel them through to the other side of high school or middle school (or life) and they will find themselves on the right path and I am calling bullshit on the whole thing.

I am not calling bullshit on our willingness as parents to try and do what is best for our kids. OMG, I am always trying to do what is best and I am sure that is the general consensus BUT I fear that it is an easy fix for a big problem and if anyone has ever tried to spit into their ink cartridge, you know what I'm talking about.

I am worried for these kids. I am worried they hate where they are, what they are doing and they will get through that misery by doing things that they shouldn't be doing.
No school is perfect and no school will keep us out of trouble. If we as humans are looking for trouble, we will find it.

There is no magic band-aid to fix a teenager. I have one and I was one. I know how wide the spectrum is. It's huge. I was awful and I broke every rule and did everything wrong and that was just my journey. A lot of people pass judgement on me because my teenager is thought of a ideal in ways but he is just doing him. I don't believe anyone has the perfect child and we all struggle with decisions we are making for someone else's life, I just wanted to shed some light on something that happens in every town, every day to everyone.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Dear Turkey and Mr. Bear...

I am writing you because I know I will be 80 years old one day and looking back I will want to thank you. I'll want to thank you for changing the game for me. I have always considered writing something that has come easily for me, storytelling is gift but to become an author... well, that's new.

If it wasn't for you, you needling in my head every night for weeks upon months that turned into two goddamn years- I might now be "here".
Here is a place we will call "success". Successful in that I did something I wanted to, without letting life get in my way. Success in finishing, geez... isn't that what it is all about?
Finishing? From the moment "Mr. Bear" came out of my mouth that night, I knew I was a changed person. I felt different, I grew that night.

Age 36 and I grew.

If you know me, you know that is the best part.
Success for me won't mean money or fame or even seeing my book on any other shelf but my own.

Finishing. That's everything.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in the presales. The book is still and always will be for sale on my website, to read testimonials and hear a bit of the audio.
You can purchase and review my book on Amazon as well. And if you find yourself at the Wax Bar in Ballard or Hansen's Surf shop in Encinitas or at All Day Cafe in Sious Falls, SD be sure to tell them thanks for carrying my book and for the love of silly Turkey, buy another copy.


Saturday, September 6, 2014

Self doubt.

Yikes. This is the worst feeling ever.

The feeling you get when everything that you have worked for may just fall apart in front of you.
Self doubt sneaks up on us, even if we are strong and brave and tirelessly working- it can find you.

I have worked harder on my book  that almost anything in my life.
It was my fourth baby, made of blood, sweat and paper.

There are about 3 days until my book is officially out. I am just about ready to receive a shipment of 9 boxes, that I will sign and mail out to all of the lovely individuals who purchased it. I thank you.

And even though I have met my goal, I am bitting my nails.

Like now what?

What do I do now? How can I sell more? How will I get a store to pick it up?

I guess it all comes with time, with work...

Please, if you have a way to help, whether it is tweeting my website link, talking about it by the water cooler. Maybe you know someone that knows someone... who knows where this can go.

Why not me?

If you haven't been over to our family's website, you should check it out.