Friday, October 18, 2013


I have a new adventure coming my way.
Just as I am beginning to think I would never find my niche, I did.

I have been presented with making clothing for a lovely little girl that suffers from SPD. "Sensory Processing Disorder" (to learn more click here). If you have never heard about it, skip to the next paragraph. If you have. WOW.

I will be making clothing that will not only look amazing and fit this girl perfectly (tiny couture?) but they will aid in her desire to feel good. That changes the game for me.

I am really excited to take this on and I am also really curious about where this may lead. Maybe it is a niche that found me and will forever change the direction of my career. Who knows. But today I am feeling good. I am feeling needed and like I am finally putting my talents to good use.

My Etsy shop
website still under construction but coming soon!

I've got it!

So there it is people.

We have a name for our leap of faith, next year.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Roof chicken.

I have been getting a lot of pity looks lately. Maybe it is because I look like absolute shit or maybe it is because people feel that I need it?

I don't.

People ask how long Eddie has been gone, or I just share the stats for conversation purposes and it is instantly a pity party. And I LOVE parties!

But not this kind of party.

It's startling, I'll admit, when you hear that he will be with us for 9 days out of approx. 270 (who's counting? HA!) but it is what we do. It is who we are right now. It is not easy, it's hard and it sucks but it is, for better or worse, all we know.

Damn, that sounds depressing.

I often think how much in common we have with military families but then I pull those thoughts back because to say what we are doing is remotely like what they are doing is just wrong. Similar in the tiniest way and that is still nothing. I can't imagine but I can imagine they get the pity party too. And I would have to say that they knew what they were getting into as well.


I appreciate concern and help. I am never one to shy away from a friend who likes to lend a hand or an ear. Even those who shower us with love, be it mail, food or alcohol, I will always be thankful and grateful.

I just don't want your pity.

I don't get to wake up next to my husband every day.
This is true.
I don't get to go on a date with him. Ours consist of Facetime and phone calls, sometimes at 2 a.m. so I can get a chance to talk- kids need their FT too.

I do 100% of the parenting 90% of the time and even though sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong, pleasing seemingly no one, looking a mess.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Because this is my life. This is what I am choosing to do with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now.
There are things that are starting to make me wonder if we are doing it right, and so begins our next journey. I need to come up with a cool thing to call "it". The word "journey" is forever attached to the cheesy band (I'm not hating on your bad choice in music) so that is not right. "Adventure" sounds like we are going to the jungle and "next step" sounds like I am going back to rehab.
None of these fit the bill. It'll come to me...

So when you are thinking about your friend who's life is much different than yours but they are happy and healthy- don't give them sad eyes. Sometimes the most insane things for us are quite perfect for another.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Looking through my sons IG account, I always run into kids that take my breath away... and not in a good way. In a "Holy shit! How old is she?"

Lets be real. Everyone at this age wants to be older. It is a ridiculous ride, the coming of age stage, no one seems to be happy where they are. My son who should be AVERAGE 12 but lets be real, he is a young 12, is finding it increasingly hard to stay true to who he is. He is finding himself pulled between what feels right and what "looks" right. Meaning, what everyone else is doing... I have fought the long hard battle of "be yourself". That is our motto. Like, no shit. It is what I write on his notes, I write it in his room, I tag his desk... we live by it. All of us and he agrees and embraces it. It's tough though. There are less things for 12 year old to do that is kid like, they get lost in the mix and are all but forced into being a teenager.

News flash! They are not fucking teenagers. If they fall off their skateboards, they still cry. When they go to camp, they still miss us. When their friends are assholes, they still tell us... they are kids.
But they have nothing of their own.

No one wants to play anymore, but why? Do you know 12 yo kids don't get recess? What the shit is that? Why don't they get to run around and blow off some steam? They get a long lunch break but you know what they look like (when I walk by, yes kids, I walk by the school at lunch but it is on the way to the park) they look like a bunch of teenagers! And not unlike a bunch of bums sitting on the benches. Laying on the ground, half on their phones, the other half just sitting. I'd like to think that there are a good number of kids that given the right (and maybe some encouragement) would actually like to be doing something.


It is seemingly overnight that our kids, the ones that were hiding teeth under their pillow (who started that weird thing?) are now telling their friends they "look high", that they stole a beer and that they have had sex. Yes boys and girls. Your kids are having sex. Not all of them but some of them. So when they want to come downstairs to their Easter basket or open presents from Santa, I'd like you to think about it, once you pull your head out of the sand.
Because it is easier to say "kids will be kids" and "they are good kids" or "they will grow out of it"- it is easier and you know maybe that is just how it works out most of the time, but not here. Not with me. I could not be any less "cool" of a Mom. I am raising a man but god damn if I am not going to help him enjoy his youth. It is my greatest work being a Mom and I don't think that letting him slip off into the land of social media is an option- it's a choice and I choose no. I choose to keep parenting. Even though I have little ones that need me, he needs me more.
I wish I could have had more opportunities to stay young. I grew up real fast. Real fast. And it is not fair and it sucks and I am not a better person because of it. I also know that my childhood was mine, it made me me and I know that my kids get to have their own, it gets to be better, different, stronger and less... grown up.

Seems with every new generation kids are getting into more trouble, sooner. Or at least looking for it.

It is not cool to check your child's internet life.

It is not cool to look at their text messages.

It is not cool to tell your child they are too young for a Facebook page or that they can live their whole lives without a Kik account or the disaster that is

Go look it up. Look for your child by name, most are under their given name, some have their IG nickname. And if you are not privy to their IG account (which I personally believe you should have access to their password and all of that noise) and they are set on private and they won't accept you as a "friend"- there is a reason for that. If that reason is "you will embarrass me!" just tell them they have no idea and call me because I have some ideas.

Do you know about this That there has been a website created (my guess is by a 47 year old pervert with a white van and "pink lemonade" scribbled on the outside) for our kids to log onto and then get obliterated by the internet version of a "kick me" sign.

Although it is so much worse. In fact, lets bring back the kick me sign. That shit was like sniffing markers versus this, which is like bath salts.

So our children (yeah kids, you are children still) are on this page, they have their information so we know who they are and then anyone (usually kids that they know that are complete assholes) can write them asking them anything.


They can say "what's your cats name?" or "you are a fucking ugly slut".

Our kids are dying for attention, people. They are not getting it and because we don't watch them like a hawk anymore, they are going elsewhere. They are getting online and playing with their innocence with a bunch of other kids that hang out in their rooms alone too long and have too much time on their hands.

Our children don't realize that when you call someone a "bitch" it is out there. You're name is on that (well unless you are "ANON" which is even more ridiculous that our kids would solicit questions from people that can remain anonymous, why? WHY??)

It is not fair that a few kids can ruin what I have worked my child's life on. But that is the simple truth, it is NOT fair and I know that. At least the kids that make fun of my son (yeah, you little bastards, I know who you are) calling him a lesbian (which in my book is not an insult because lesbians rule) do it to his face but man, if he was on this stupid POS site, it would get ugly. Kids are mean to him and if you have ever met him you would know he is sweet and honest and smart and bossy and just the most amazing guy EVER! Jealousy is an ugly thing. We have talked long and hard about how these sites are created to get in the press and make money off of sad things. They are there to create drama and that it doesn't have to be a part of your life. IG is a fantastic way to express yourself and show people who you are (and yet I have seen some lame shit there too) but pages that let you text anything and everything and it "disappears". Do they honestly believe that some sick fuck isn't collecting all their half naked pictures and stringing them up with clumps of hair he collects off the back of movie theatre seats? I mean, if you want to show someone your tits, flash them. It will disappear, FOR REAL! If you want to know who has made out with whom, ask THEM not "fm"... maybe the "fm" part stands for "four men" which is completely off base because these are not men.  They are irresponsible humans causing unwanted, unnecessary grief to your kids.


Do our kids know that they don't have to subject themselves to this?
I don't think so, not a lot of them anyway.
And it is not unlike a cigarette, once you smoke/ create an account, it is not so easy to just stop/ delete. I didn't have my Instagram account for like a month due to my phone being a piece of shit and you know, I had withdrawals. Like FOR REAL. And I know what is best of me, mostly and I really really missed it. I'm an adult.

They aren't. They are kids. They know what others are doing and they know what sounds "fun". They know that when they are sitting in class and people are talking about something and they are like "what?" when the kids say "oh, nothing.... just something we were talking about on KIK or" they know that they are missing out on something . They know it sucks to be the outsider and the kids are rude, they taunt them, they want them to get on the site, create an account to most likely rip them to shreds. I think they mainly want to know stuff and love the fact that they can take it too far and never have to own up to it. They never have to be responsible. Isn't that the bottom line here? Aren't we supposed to raise them to be responsible? How can we teach such a thing when they are unsupervised in this web torture. Even the ones that aren't torturing, they are being tortured. Who's there for them? What if they aren't supposed to have an account, they don't tell you about the harassment... then what? Who will help them then? It's not as easy and just deleting it. Like with anything- it is easier to get it at the jump. Don't do it.

After spending my morning writing, I came back this afternoon and read the news. I am sad and sickened and little creeped out by my ghostly insight.

They are creating something that is doing no good in the world, only making millions for themselves and it is not like they are donating profits to suicide prevention or even feeding the hungry. I think you make a choice when you make millions off of the people- you need to give back, do good or bad will find you.

Elvis age tiny

From Teen Mom to Kelle Hampton and all the bitches that hate

Sitting down tonight I am thinking too much about other peoples lives. I guess it is fitting because my life is so up in the air right now. Well, not really, there is just so much change coming down the pike, there is a lot going down, so I am spending some much needed "me" time doing what society does best- judging other people!

I'm more observing. I realize everyone is trying to do their best and find their way (to where?) but I can't help but be sad at all the hate.

And mad! I'm mad at all the hate. These faceless people would never walk up to you and speak their mind (because they are totally whack shit crazy) but that's not cool. If you can't say it to my face, or better yet, behind my back (where I am none the wiser) why, why, WHY would you do it at all?

In my quest to find information about growing my blog audience, I ran across all kinds of stuff. I was looking for Mommys, bloggers, designers, you name it, I was reading about it.

I heard about Kelle Hampton a while ago. I read her story and I see her photos on IG but I had no idea how many people hate her. They call themselves "Kelle Haters". It's really scary. The way they judge not only her parenting and decision to share with the world her daughter Nella (who has downs syndrome) but they are judging what she does for a living. They are judging the clothing she puts on her kids, the fact that she posts pictures of them... it's barbaric. They don't like the way she speaks about her daughters using the word "sister" and they hate how she says "rock"... I don't like little kid shirts that say "Princess" OR "Rock n roll" but can you imagine the insanity if I got on other Mom blogs and told them how dumb they are for putting their kids in shirts that say such generic things?? Cray-zay.

The things I read on her blog and in comments were SO mean. They were over the line and I just don't understand it. I don't understand why they would pick this woman, why her? She was a blogger that wrote a book and is living a seemingly beautiful life and they tear her down. The gross part is they are on her site and the trolls find each other and then blow up the comments so anyone who is writing to thank Kelle or share an experience... well, don't bother. I can't imagine she scrolls through all that garbage to find the good. My guess is she has the good right next to her, in the form of her husband, her daughters and her new baby son.

I hope she doesn't read it. I hope she doesn't listen to the crap, it could not be any less important.

But I have to wonder, why? Why do we find it our business to do that to someone. Who gave us the power to decide it is okay to take this person and say things you wouldn't ever want said about you?
I can't imagine she would ever take back the fact that her daughter has DS. I can't say she would trade her for a "healthy" child. I don't know that. It's not something you ask for or plan for but when it is laying in your lap... I can't imagine you would want anyone else.

  I feel the same way about the Teen Moms. I don't know what person in their right mind would wish this life on a teenager, but once they are there- why do we hate them? Why are people out there creating blogs and websites to show the hate for them? They are screwed! Lets face it, (and laugh a teenie tiny bit at the pun) they have a hard enough life (most of them seemingly in very dysfunctional relationships with their BF/GF and their parents. Most of the parents had them as teenagers... it's an apple and a tree people...

But I worry. I know that my child, who is not a teenager yet and hopefully NEVER a teen parent, would be heartbroken to read crap about him online (that is why he doesn't have a FB or a Kik or a Ask page- that is for another post. If your child has an Ask or a Kik, get rid of that shit). He is sensitive and maybe more than a lot of them but if he were reading some of the things that people say about these Teen Moms, he would be suicidal. They take no consideration that these kids are KIDS! And the Mom's they are all dealing with Baby blues and postpartum depression... I can't imagine the equivalent of hate mail by the thousands. After I had Zeke, if someone told me I looked "tired" (aka your look like shit) I would have backhanded them or cried for 3 hours).

Children having children is not new. We have been having sex and getting pregnant for a loooooong time. These kids do not lead glamorous lives (although I have sickly thought about the show that mixes "My Super Sweet 16" with "Teen Mom" like have the first show and then 9 months later...
Anyway, why we gotta be so mean?

Maybe I am getting soft in my old age. Maybe I need to get a real job? Maybe I need to council kids? OR maybe we should put into action my "fixed at birth" plan. Let stop circumcising (which does nothing for the kids health) and start tying testicles? Why not? If you had to be prepared and wanting a child, wouldn't that make it much easier? When you are, whatever age, and you could afford to untie your balls because you and whomever wanted to have a child, then make an appointment. Am I right?
I would say tie the tubes but we go through enough and let's face it the guy has absolutely no physical part in anything except the deed. This would not only keep unwanted pregnancies from happening, you would have to be financially ready (kids are expensive, kids!) BUT it would even the score... a little.

Ahhh... you're welcome. And good morning.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Dancin' with Miley

It seems like when everyone is talking about you, it is always a good thing.
They say that all press is good press and I used to think that sounded about right.

Lately everyone has something to say about Miley. You know the one. She is not unlike Madonna or Cher- she is a one name gal. Call it what you will, she is as famous as famous gets and if you do or don't think she deserves it, I could not possibly care any less.

I know she cares though.

I have no idea how old she is. She could be 14 or 27, although I don't think she is of drinking age because I read a piece about her and her friends in the club drinking all night. They wrote it in a taboo way, she wasn't supposed to be there. She probably shouldn't be there. I shouldn't have been there.

Miley and I are very similar. We tread a lot of the same path, her and I. You might not think so, but it is true.

See all you have to do is take away the money, the press, the celebrity Dad, the fame... the talent and well, we are the same person. We are females, growing up in this world that wants nothing good for other females.

We both walk the streets alone or with our friends. Making good and bad and insanely age appropriate and some not so age appropriate mistakes.

We both fear failure.

We both wanted nothing more than to shed our baby girl "image" and just be WHO we were supposed to be. To be an adult. We just wanted to be us.

But along the way people started telling us what we were doing wrong. They pointed out that we were failing or succeeding too much. Too little? We were labeled. Slut. Bitch. Crazy. Drug addict. Liar.

I didn't have to read about it in the paper. Thank fucking god.
But I had to read it on everyone's face.

Fast forward 100 years and you will see I found my way.
You will see that every bump and bruise I got, that was under any kind of microscope (that of a small town for me, big wide world for her), has faded into a part of who I was meant to be.
Every scar I have on the inside of my once traumatized heart or that left by my faded self loathing razor blade fight... I made it.

I'm here now because I fought to get here. I am here because I am supposed to be and no matter if you think your little girl shouldn't be watching the once (read that? "Once") Disney princess... was it on Disney? Anyway, if you don't want your little girl to watch. Turn it off.
If you don't want your daughter dressing like "that". Stop buying that shit.
If you want your kids to see an artist that is doing what she wants and making a (new) name for herself.
Turn it on.

If you want your kids to see a one time young actor morph into the next phase of her life (not unlike they will do when they hit the next phase). Turn it on.

I said it before. It is not new. She is doing things different for herself, but we all saw Britney kiss Madonna. We saw Madonna hump that bed. That was great, wasn't it? But that too saw such harsh critisism. It was met with all the fuddy-duddy bullshit that this is being met with. Cher said that she has seen more girls do it better... come on Cher! I fucking LOVE you, but why? I guess it could have been taken out of context, so I will NOT bag on Cher but I like to hope that there can be older artists out there cheering her on. Hoping for the best and maybe even helping her along the way... she's got her Mama though, so I am thinking that is all she needs.

Stop hating girls for being sexy. Let them be. If you don't want to wear a teddy bear onesie, don't. I won't be wearing one. But I would fly naked on a wrecking ball any day.