Monday, October 14, 2013

Roof chicken.

I have been getting a lot of pity looks lately. Maybe it is because I look like absolute shit or maybe it is because people feel that I need it?

I don't.

People ask how long Eddie has been gone, or I just share the stats for conversation purposes and it is instantly a pity party. And I LOVE parties!

But not this kind of party.

It's startling, I'll admit, when you hear that he will be with us for 9 days out of approx. 270 (who's counting? HA!) but it is what we do. It is who we are right now. It is not easy, it's hard and it sucks but it is, for better or worse, all we know.

Damn, that sounds depressing.

I often think how much in common we have with military families but then I pull those thoughts back because to say what we are doing is remotely like what they are doing is just wrong. Similar in the tiniest way and that is still nothing. I can't imagine but I can imagine they get the pity party too. And I would have to say that they knew what they were getting into as well.


I appreciate concern and help. I am never one to shy away from a friend who likes to lend a hand or an ear. Even those who shower us with love, be it mail, food or alcohol, I will always be thankful and grateful.

I just don't want your pity.

I don't get to wake up next to my husband every day.
This is true.
I don't get to go on a date with him. Ours consist of Facetime and phone calls, sometimes at 2 a.m. so I can get a chance to talk- kids need their FT too.

I do 100% of the parenting 90% of the time and even though sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong, pleasing seemingly no one, looking a mess.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Because this is my life. This is what I am choosing to do with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now.
There are things that are starting to make me wonder if we are doing it right, and so begins our next journey. I need to come up with a cool thing to call "it". The word "journey" is forever attached to the cheesy band (I'm not hating on your bad choice in music) so that is not right. "Adventure" sounds like we are going to the jungle and "next step" sounds like I am going back to rehab.
None of these fit the bill. It'll come to me...

So when you are thinking about your friend who's life is much different than yours but they are happy and healthy- don't give them sad eyes. Sometimes the most insane things for us are quite perfect for another.

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