Roof chicken.

I have been getting a lot of pity looks lately. Maybe it is because I look like absolute shit or maybe it is because people feel that I need it?

I don't.

People ask how long Eddie has been gone, or I just share the stats for conversation purposes and it is instantly a pity party. And I LOVE parties!

But not this kind of party.

It's startling, I'll admit, when you hear that he will be with us for 9 days out of approx. 270 (who's counting? HA!) but it is what we do. It is who we are right now. It is not easy, it's hard and it sucks but it is, for better or worse, all we know.

Damn, that sounds depressing.

I often think how much in common we have with military families but then I pull those thoughts back because to say what we are doing is remotely like what they are doing is just wrong. Similar in the tiniest way and that is still nothing. I can't imagine but I can imagine they get the pity party too. And I would have to say that they knew what they were getting into as well.

Anyway-

I appreciate concern and help. I am never one to shy away from a friend who likes to lend a hand or an ear. Even those who shower us with love, be it mail, food or alcohol, I will always be thankful and grateful.

I just don't want your pity.

I don't get to wake up next to my husband every day.
This is true.
I don't get to go on a date with him. Ours consist of Facetime and phone calls, sometimes at 2 a.m. so I can get a chance to talk- kids need their FT too.

I do 100% of the parenting 90% of the time and even though sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong, pleasing seemingly no one, looking a mess.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Because this is my life. This is what I am choosing to do with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now.
There are things that are starting to make me wonder if we are doing it right, and so begins our next journey. I need to come up with a cool thing to call "it". The word "journey" is forever attached to the cheesy band (I'm not hating on your bad choice in music) so that is not right. "Adventure" sounds like we are going to the jungle and "next step" sounds like I am going back to rehab.
None of these fit the bill. It'll come to me...

So when you are thinking about your friend who's life is much different than yours but they are happy and healthy- don't give them sad eyes. Sometimes the most insane things for us are quite perfect for another.

Meteor shower

So instead of crawling into bed, where I should be, Quattro and I are waiting up to see some meteors.
The guy on the news said between 12-3 a.m. is the best time... I was thinking it would be the "best time" to get some damn sleep...
I have to stay up and with him because I remember doing something similar for Halley's Comet, I was 10- he's 11. These things have always excited me. If I was smarter as a kid I would have gone into astrology or something but the books never came easy for me. It was always a challenge to just keep my ass from failing, but interest I had and have for this. In 8th grade I did a project on the moon and I got so into it. It was the fist time I had enjoyed anything that had to do with school since 3rd grade. That is when school was ruined for me. I had the worst teacher, Ms. Perkle. Could you just die over that name??
She was mean to me and made an example out of me from day one. I was new to the school and she fucked it all up for me. Hey thanks, bitch! Thanks for making me believe I was "incapable of learning anything" for so long. She told me that when I could not do my timed multiplication test after repeat attempts. I guess the whole class did it and I didn't so I was a big fuck up. I don't know why or how that bothered me for so long, it still bothers me. I mean, I am over actually thinking I am an idiot but for all of my schooling, I always heard her in the back of my mind, so I just stayed on the "fuck up track" for way too long.
I remember when my son was going through the timed math tests, I told him to just stick it out and pretty soon it would be over and he'd never have to do it again. And it's true, you don't.
So meteors... see any yet? We got an app so we can count them and send it to NASA. Pretty sweet.
JD