It's over. It was nice because my Mother came up for a week but I think I have one too many kids to sneak upstairs and take a nap for 3 hours midday. Shit.
Anyway, all of that hoopla for it and then, boom. (so anti-climatic, it doesn't even deserve all cap's).
It was nice. I have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for but it seems a little amiss, as I miss my husband. And since it is officially past, I am not going to talk about it.
He isn't here and hasn't been for what can only be known as A REALLY FUCKING LONG TIME! Notice the cap's, this has climax. Heh heh heh...
When he returns on Christmas eve (yes. Christmas eve) he will have been home no more than 6 days in 15 weeks. Annnnnnnnd, that's a lot. (Oh and we have a baby that is 21 weeks old, so no big deal.
I miss him and I miss the whole family dynamic, I feel very much as though we are growing over him like skin would grow over a bb, embedded into your chest. Even though that is a gross thought, it is very much the way it feels and that sucks.
I worry. I worry that we may unintentionally take on our own lives and never be able to meet up again. Physically we will be in that place but mentally and emotionally, it seems very possible. There seems to be a growing trend in couples splitting up. Ones that have been together longer, ones that seemed way better matched (E and I are opposites down to the bone), I just wonder what happens? It is as if I am less scared about "it" happening and more afraid of "what"? Like, what happens? I am still very much in love and he me, so if we find ourselves in that spot do we like... get a memo? Is there an app for that?
I hate being honest in a blog but I was told recently that I should keep writing and because there are seemingly deeper issues going on in my head, it seems odd but then I'm like "fuck it". If you are going to do it, do it. So I'm doing it. Well, writing that is.
I am not leaving my husband, so ladies- settle the shit down. I am just stating that there comes a time in your life, when you are married to a rock n' roller, that you go- "oh." and then you sigh and hope to cuss he is thinking the same thing. It is a very big "oh" and more like an "ooooooooooooooooooh", like "I knew this or I should have and yet here we are, learning fucking chinese" but in a way it is comforting to know we are learning chinese together. Although he is a slack ass student and you know what I mean, guys are LAZY! They don't know what to do or say and they just pretend you will forget and blah..... I say stupid shit like "you need to do stuff" and he's like "ok, (image of a dumb, panting dog.... nnnnnnNOW!) like what?" and I'm all "I can't tellllllll you what to do, then I might as well do it for myself. You need to think of stuff and do it and mean it and..." and he says nothing but I am fluent in thought bubble, I can even read it over the phone- so I know he's like "... then why don't you just... do... it... yourself...?!!"
It's all the same. Don't matter if your man digs a ditch or signs CD's at 2 a.m. I know, I know. I am not special and I don't get treated special and that is fine by me but at least you get to sleep next to your stinkin', snorin', bed hoggin', ditch diggin' husband every night.