Monday, May 27, 2013

The "f" word.

Okay, okay. I have had it. Seriously, I have had it with my baby body. My baby is staring down less than the last 30 days before he is celebrating one glorious year on earth and I am staring down, not a pound lost the last 6 months.
What can I say, I'm vain? Not really, I just know I don't want to be one of those people that wakes up in their mid 40's and thinks "why didn't I lose this weight 10 years ago?" or get into shape, rather.
For a lot of people it is about being skinny. That is not me. I am not and have never been super skinny and I am not in the slightest wanting to be skinny. But I do want to be in shape. More desperately by the minute (summer is right around the corner!!).
About 3 weeks ago I started looking into the science of weight loss, weight gain- I don't sleep well and so I usually troll around and diagnose that ache I have or the weird freckle I found... but I really wanted to figure out why I haven't lost any weight.
Back story? Alright, if you insist.
At my sons old Elementary school I agreed (with baby Zeke) to do this empathy workshop with a class of 3rd graders. I was super excited and really glad I did it, It's called "Root Of Empathy". Anyway, in the class you have to weigh yourself, then hold the baby- the kids subtract your weight and figure out the babys weight... see where I am going with this?
So in September I was like "hey, not so bad, I just had a baby", even though I was heavier than I thought I would be (I don't regularly weigh myself) I wasn't too unhappy. I mean at that point I wasn't even thinking about losing weight. I was just thinking about not misplacing a kid and waking up 5 times a night...
Then in January I knew it was going to be ugly. I felt bigger. I did. I felt the breastfeeding diet (cereal at 3 a.m.) was not doing me so well. I felt sluggish. When I got weighed I was exactly the same. So I told myself, that I wanted to lose some weight before the final weigh in, which would be in June (ended up being in May, a bit earlier than I hoped;)
So I hopped on the scale and you would not believe I had gained 7 pounds. 7.
My favorite number used to BE 7 and now it is just the fucking number of lbs I gained while I was trying to lose weight.
But let me clarify.
I did nothing to lose weight between January and May. Nada.
I talked about it. I thought about it. I wanted it to be but I just didn't do it and getting that slap in the face. The 7lb weight gain... well, I'm sure as shit listening now.
I went home and became immediately serious about implementing the weight loss program... So what was I going to do?
I had figured out, one sleepless night, that I was consuming about 3 times the amount of calories that I would need for LOSING weight. So not only was I eating more than I should, even for breastfeeding, I was eating enough to gain weight. And I did. See how that worked out?
To lose weight, doing my daily workout of... well, living, I need to consume no less than 1100 calories and no more than 1300 to LOSE weight. If I factor in some extra workouts (I walk to the park, play, walk dogs and run after a toddler and a baby but I don't go to the gym every day and I don't walk 2 miles like I would want to, still waiting on that double stroller).
Basically I am counting calories like a motherfucker. And I know that sounds lame and weird and like a lot of work but I WANTED to lose weight. I didn't want to WISH I had lost it.
I wake up and I know how many calories I can have that day (I am doing 6 days on 1 day cheat). After two or three days of counting calories (I used "my fitness pal" app, it's amazing) I can now just do it in my head. I know what 2-3 cups of my coffee makes up (I add hazelnut creamer, not low-fat or sugar free. I want to lose weight but I am super anti sugar free/fat free chemical stuff). I know I can have eggs and avocado (with Sriracha!) I like to have a couple of snacks so I do bananas (110 calories each) and I eat an ass load of tuna (50 calories a CAN). Lettuce is free most veggies have only 40-50 calories a cup. I know how much oil I need to dress my salads, I use a lot of spices and vinegars. The best thing is, is that I am able to eat anything. You could even have fast food (but don't)  you just have to count the calories.
For any of you out there that want to lose weight and have wanted to- now is the time.
It is NOT easy. You can NOT starve yourself or fast or drink shakes. There is no miracle cookie diet.
You have to get off your fat ass and figure out what you can put into it. Exercise is key, whatever it is. Even if it is purposely walking up and down your stairs or walking your dog extra fast. Do something, but exercise alone doesn't work and neither does dieting alone. It's a tag team. Get up in it.
I figured out the "serving size" of everything (did you know a bag of BBQ lays is not ONE serving? Oh, you did? I didn't. I eat the whole bag. Now I just don't buy them but if I did I would know that a serving is not that much (1 oz) and there are about 160 calories in that, so to me it is not worth it. That is like 2 hardboiled eggs, my fav snack).
I don't plan on counting my calories forever. I do know that my friend Matt makes the best ribs ever, so I will always, always, always make my cheat day when he and his wonderful family invite me over for dinner. But I'm serious y'all. I am not happy where I am at. I am not happy that when I wear the baby carrier, my belly gets squeezed out the bottom. That is not me! Damnit. It is NOT. I am fit and healthy and I have a nice fucking body... well, I did. Now it is in the need of a little help and I am doing it.
I think you should too.
For sample menus, see below but know that it is not as hard as it seems.
I know what I can have, that is the best part. Knowing what and how much is so important, so you can still have anything. If someone else has something delicious I have a bite and more than ever before, it is enough. I have had ice cream once in the last 3 weeks now and I used to eat ice cream every night since I was 6 months pregnant. I started because of heart burn and ended because of ego burn.
Figure out how much you weigh, what you want to weigh and then find out the number of calories you would have to eat to get there. My fitness pal even calculates that for you. It says "if you eat X amount of calories you will weigh this much on this day". I dig that. It is so helpful for me.
Okay, we should talk about drinking because I can't get rid of that.
There are about 150 calories in wine and beer, so I get two a day. Sometimes I want more so then I do some jumping jacks and extra dance moves when I am making dinner.

This is an example of my day:
1 hardboiled egg (90)
3T of creamer (90)
3 cups of coffee (10)
1 slice of whole wheat toast (100)
Coconut oil and cinnamon (60)
Spinach (7)
sliced turkey ((60)
pickles (0)
avocado (120)
carrots (30)
spanish cheddar (120)
Tofu (90)
spinach (7)
asparagus (20)
red potatoes (120)
2 bananas (100)
babybel (50)
2 glasses of milk (100)

Thats a lot of food and still well under 1300
I drink more water than usual too. I like to drink a glass before I eat and throughout the day.
When you get to know your calories and what is in what, it is easy to switch eggs for breakfast with oatmeal of even regular cereal. I also started buying fat free milk because it has less calories and so I can have plenty.
Another tip (if you like them) is that I boil up a dozen eggs every Sunday or Monday, so they are always ready,. I never run out of bananas because if I need to eat like RIGHT NOW, it is better to have that stuff on hand. Otherwise grabbing something high in calories is bound to happen. I will enjoy plenty of BBQ lays in my future but for now, not so much.

I'll would like to keep posting about this. If anyone has anything to add, please do. I am in no way a doctor or dietician but I do know that it is working. I am feeling good, and after the first week I guess I feel less and less like I am on a diet. There are times when I just want to get in a dark room with a pizza but I want this more. Now. I do.


  1. My fitness pal is awesome! I lost 3 stone in 3 months.
    What an education that was.
    I swapped wine for vodka + diet coke (56 cals per drink) and ate loads of smoked haddock and mashed potato.
    Over here we have kids ice lollies called Mini Milk, perfect for that after dinner "I need something sweet" and at only 30 cals so you can even have 2!
    It worked for me as I saw results quickly. If I don't see any losses, I tend to think "fuck it" and give up.
    I know it's wrong but I don't seem to have control over that.
    I'm not using it at the moment as my mum is ill and I'm staying with her so all rules have gone out of the window, I'm having a real chocolate-fest.
    I'll regret it later, but I want to feel good for a (very) little while.
    I'll be calling on my fitness pal very shortly again soon, my thighs are wobbling horrendously!

  2. Check out a book called "Wheat Belly", what you eat is more important than the calories.

    P.S. - Based on the cover of "The Value of Nothing", I'd say you look just fine.

  3. "I am fit and healthy and I have a nice fucking body... well, I did. Now it is in the need of a little help and I am doing it.
    I think you should too." ... "we should talk about drinking because I can't get rid of that."


    i get it. i am right there with you. a few months back, i tried to take the "elimination approach" like we did last year, when r was sick. last year it worked. we had a deeper reason... a blood test to re-take. this year, not so much. so, now~ i am right there with you.

  4. I lost 90 pounds (over 2-3 years). I still use myfitness pal even though my weight is normal. It's important to have balance, a little exercise and watch what you eat. Too much exercise burns me out and obsessing over calories with no exercise became tiring after a while.

    I switched to almond milk which is even lower cal than skim. I can't believe a hamburger can be lower cal than a lot of salads.

  5. Curt, I know! I never order salads I only make them. They put some crazy shit in there. Congrats on your weight loss, that is epic.

  6. Hey,

    Just jumped oin your blog for a quickie and you made me laugh. We are totally in the same place but my baby is nearly 2. she's my third and LAST. I';m so over my body. I'll never be skinny but i still want to be young and shit hot. I'm 35 later this year. It's time. In jan i started the gym. I've lost 1 1/2 stone but also do the 5;2 diet though really i follow more of a 6;1 diet and need to step it up because i have been the same weight for the last 6 weeks. My body is definitely holding out on me. But i do feel healthy. Spinning and running have been a total game changer. I don't think there is one single answer except burn more calories than you eat. I'd say you eat fine, maybe you need to burn some cals as opposed to eat less but hey i'm no nutritionist. Do whatever makes you happy. I'm just here checking in and saying hi. Cute blog ;) xx

    Tracey from

  7. Hey Tracey! I love your blog. Confetti! Damn, that word explains so much.
    So my lil diet is working. It took me a bit to wrap my brain around it and now I find that I have to make sure I eat enough calories. I've cut all crap and I feel ok about it. Last night I was eating watermelon when I would normally eat ice cream and my son said

  8. "I love that you are doing this". I never knew my unhappy body image would translate to a boy and it taught me a lot. He cares and he's glad I care about my health but I just really want to love my body again.
    3 kids is no joke, as you know, I do feel lucky, I've got good genes and its possible to get back there.

  9. Yep, yep and yep.
    I lost 40 kg withing 2 years (sounds long, but some things take a bit longer). I was completey happy and absolutely enthusiastic about my new normal, healthy weight and my great shape&figure! The only loss I had to cry about was my boops. They disappeared. I always loved my boops, I always thought they are just about the right size. After losing that much weight it seemed they were not existing anymore and I got so painfully aware of the fact that boops are basically FAT ;) :( So I loved my new size, but hated my plum tits as I called them from that point on. All that happened between 2008 and 2010.
    Since the beginning of this year I put on some weight again, unfortunately. 10 kg. Not the worst case, but not good either. I never ever wanted to have a weight starting with 7 again, never ever.. Well, you can guess it ... I couldn't do any sport for like 6 months, neither my running nor cycling, what I used to do every day before. Also I started some bad eating habits again, which I thought I would have deleted from my brain forever. Nope. Didn't.
    Now I great boops again - which I like of course - but my whole figure turns fat again, not that bad as in 2008 of course, but it's changing into the wrong direcetion. And for some reason this time it seems to be more difficult to lose the fucking kilos again. I don't know why. I'm telling myself: You lost 40 bloody kilograms - why can't you lose 10 now???? It kills me. I started to run again, going by bike whenever possible, but there's no progress, not really. Yes, I do drink alcohol, and yes, I do drink often alcohol, still ... it seems like the older I get the more difficult it is to lose weight. But I'm only 43 years old, that's not too bad. My daughter (19 yrs old) is encouragin me and I will try to be as focused and strong as back then a few years ago. I will do quit the bad eating habits again and I will lose that weight I want to get rid of. Full-stop. Am a bit concerned about my boops again, that's quite an issue to me I have to admit and maybe one reason why this time it's harder to lose weight is to make a decision between normal weight/size and a great figure but no boops and nice boops, but quite a bit on the chubby side... I'm not 100% yet, but it can't hurt to start to get in shape again ...

    Jess, you're not alone :) And besides, it's June the 12th - happy first birthday, Zeke! And congrats to you, a wonderful mother :)

    Cheers, hugs, cuddles
    from Berlin
    Stefanie Kelly

  10. Steph! Thank you for your sweet comment.
    I have never been on a diet, I was never needy g to lose weight and even after Q and Elvis, it happened but after Z I got scared. I finally just stopped talking about it and I did it. I just did it.
    Email me I will tell you what I did exactly