Wednesday, August 25, 2010

No more rock n' roll?

I wonder. I was thinking tonight as Eddie was packing up to go to the show and I was starting the bath water- why I don't really have a desire to go out anymore... well, to go to shows.
I mean, I like them but I really don't have the urgency I once felt, that pull to get a sitter and rock out. I have no plans of going to any of these... 4 shows while we are on vacation in California, I just would rather be here with my kids.
I am so in love with being a Mommy, I always have been, for 9 years anyway, but right now I feel like I am excelling, I am getting it together... again. Not that I feel as if I didn't have it together but I suffered from a bit of the baby blues, I thought it was nothing but once it lifted, I can really see that I was struggling. I was definitely one of those people that thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did.
There's a sadness that you hear about, the feeling of no matter what something is missing and everything is cry worthy. I was sad when she turned 3 months, I felt like she wasn't an infant anymore and that was hard for me. It wasn't really until I saw my son be naturally adjusted to the big brother role that I really had my moment, that switch flipped, I saw what a beautiful 9 year old Quattro is and it hit me that even though she too will grow up (faster than I want) she's going to be fantastic. Thinking about all the awesome things I get to show her and teach her and discover all over again through a childs eyes... it made me better. I still have my days of wishing I could slow things down and that's when I do. I stop and cancel the play dates and take a rain check with friends and just sit on the floor and play with the kids and get Q in bed early so we can read longer. I'm trying, I am really trying to do this all right- again.

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