Sunday, November 9, 2014

Treading water.

I am reading every bit of information I can find about downsizing.
How to? (nobody tells you anything helpful), why? everyone has their own reasons, and what next? That's the big question.

For us, well- for me, I feel a bit like I am treading water. Like over the last few years we aren't saving any money, we aren't traveling, we aren't living a full life. We aren't together. That's my "why?".
The how and the what next is what I am living right now. And it is like being at the top of a roller coaster.

I remember the first time I ever went to a real amusement park. Cedar Point, with an old friend and we waited in line for this insane looking roller coaster which was, at the time, the tallest and fastest one in the world. I wanted to wait in the longest line to sit in the front row, my friend told me it was intense and any row would do- I just didn't see it like that. I figured if I am going to wait to ride, I am going to get the best seat in the house and recently I have realized that is my personality in a nutshell.  Like it or not, I am not going to waste anytime on something that isn't the best I can get. Maybe that is why when I turn around and look at where I have been it makes me really proud.

I guess the last couple of years have been ones that I felt missed the mark a little. I did feel I was sacrificing and that is also my "why?". I am proud that I have held down to fort with three kids and my husband has been out there chasing  his dream but I realize that this isn't what I want to be doing. I don't want to live the life of a single Mother, although I had a really good one raise me, I am not interested in seeing how tough I am in this arena. It sucks. It's hard and I feel my dreams are so tangible right now. I can feel that thing that they talk about in counseling sessions in high school. I am 20 years past high school and I am finally getting it. That is another thing about me- I'm slow at the giddie up.


  1. argh. google ate my comment.

    As I was saying- regarding downsizing, living alternatively, and that sort of thing, you might consider subscribing to a blog called zenhabits. The author Leo offers practical advice. Might be helpful. Best of luck and hugs.

    1. Great info! I am like a sponge right now. Staying up way too late to gather information on what the hell I'm doing. It's all good though, I do feel supported and it's pretty freeing to shed the stuff that I spend my days picking up.

  2. lIVING IN A SMALL CITY WHERE YOU CAN WALK A LOT AND THE COST OF LIVING IS INEXPENSIVE IS A MASSIVE HELP...IF YOU HAVE WORK LINED UP...sorry caps that is why I like Cumberland, Maryland...super cheap housing, tons of homes available, very art friendly. The Washington Post just wrote a blurb about it being super walkable ! Live your dreams but do not dump your loves and of luck...beautifully written...I can feel the passion and pain...I have been there too and it takes a lot of guts and a decision to move forward.

    1. Thank you. That is sweet of you to say.
      It is nice being in a position that I can actually make these decisions for myself and my family. There are people in the world that never get the chance.