I'm pregnant!... it might rain.

It seems as though, or at least this is my experience, that no one really cares about the third pregnancy. In my family anyway.

It may just be me, being silly or sensitive which isn't too far off but I'm usually pretty straight. But today I am bothered to no end, that not one person has told me "congratulations". No one has said, "ya! a baby!!" No one has asked my son if he's excited or told Elvis she will be a big sister. It is as if no one knows, but I'm going with, no one cares.

It's weird because I could not be more excited and yet, I find it hard to share my joy because if I mention it, the moment passes and not a word from anyone. I will say, "oh man, my pants are so tight" and then someone will talk about the weather. I will mention that I am exhausted and what a drag it is and then people will just carryon their conversation. 

I don't get it. I am baffled and I am never baffled by anything but this has got me all wrapped up with a question mark.

Day 2.

Day 1 was such a blur. I started to write about it last night and somehow just fell asleep. Laptop still on my bed in the morning.

We left for our 4 state road trip at about 3 p.m. The morning and then afternoon was chalk full of last minute details, total fuck ups and lots of running around. It was exhausting. I'm still exhausted and we are merely half way there.

Todays drive was better in some ways and totally worse in others. For one the weather didn't suck like it did on Wednesday. When we left, we left soaking wet. As in there were sheets of sideways rain while we packed up the car and repacked. It's a van, I am not use to all the space, so once we all got in, we then figured out how to make it all work.

But today I was driving and the car ahead of me took a hard left at about 75 mph and flew over the median, across oncoming traffic (I5 N) up a hill and then... off a cliff. I don't think it was a huge cliff but I'm almost certain I saw someone die. I still feel sick. I feel lucky and extra protective and so today I drove slow and thought about how quick shit happens. 

I pulled over and called 911. I gave them the mile marker and told them I couldn't stay. There was a man in a car behind me that stopped as well. He ran across 4 lanes of traffic to go help. I was glad he was there because if he wasn't, I probably would've done that, it's just a part of me to help, sometimes I wish it wasn't. But instead I got to drive away with my life still in tact and my mind not completely blown. I hope everyone was okay in that car. 

I've got to go to bed. That was hours ago and it is still weighing on me and I need to shake it before I fall asleep. 

Holiday movies

This is a big thing in my house. Probably yours too, although I do know that some people are not holiday people... which I find sad really, but anyway. 

We are big holiday movie, holiday traditions in general are huge over here. It's hard not to get into the spirit when you have kids but we started before we had them.

I remember my first Thanksgiving with Eddie. We were living at Middlefingerton, with Marky from Zeke, our great friends Peter and Dan Thunder Bolton. What a crew, huh?

We had the house to ourselves. I made a somewhat crappy dinner and we sat at the coffee table and watched "Planes, Trains and Automobiles". I will have you know, we watch this every year, it was our first tradition. 

Our Christmas is pretty low key. We don't invite anyone over, we don't have a big party or have dinner with extended family, Christmas is when we huddle. We turn off the phones and just enjoy being together. Christmas is my favorite day of the year. Not my favorite holiday but it is the only day we are completely together, thankful and... together.

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday, I mean, after Halloween. Thanksgiving lets me be completely in my element and that is the kitchen. I am a cook. I am a kick ass cook and Tday, I take very seriously.

When we have stayed home, in the past, we invite people over on some years and some years it is just us. A few it was just Q and I and that will never happen again. It's in the "contract", the one husband and wife have, not the paper kind that you sign when you are married, the "contract" is the list of things you accumulate over the years. The "no-no's" the "must have's" and the "have nots". It is a "no-no" for him to miss Tday. Simple. It will never happen (again).

I'm a counting the days before I get to see him, more so than usual. I guess because it is holiday time and I am missing him like crazy and also, I really want to see him with the kids. 7 weeks when you are 2 is like a lifetime. She is so different. Quattro is 10 and he seems different too. Kids grow fast... that is something people tell you before you have them and you just don't really get it. Until, you get it.

It's so damn true.

Chillin' with Elvis.

Today I had lunch with my daughter. We went to this great Vietnamese place called Monkey Bridge, right here in my hood, Ballard.

It was one of those lunches that you will remember. Forever. If you are a Mom, you know that type. I was sitting across from her and just watched as she fought to use her chop sticks. I just smiled and laughed as she chewed out her shrimp from her fresh roll, then picked out all the bean sprouts- every bit her father's daughter. 

I noticed others watching her too, I love that. When they get to see a child happy and tear free in a restaurant. I mean, there are plenty of times when she is screaming her face off (in which, we leave) but today seemed somewhat perfect. Aside from the 3 trips to the bathroom (potty training in full force), it was absolutely fantastic, although the bathroom breaks didn't really take anything away from it, other than the heat from my lemongrass beef noodle bowl.

I really cherish these moments, just like when my son was 2. Although my life was different then, I am still very much the same Mother. I parent the same. I don't have more or less patients, I don't know more or less about the job. It's strange, a lot of people I talk to say they are better parents now, after the first one but for me I really think it was a switch. I'm not sure if it was when I got pregnant or when I first saw his face, on 12.21.00- I was this person.

I mean, I have learned a lot, I know more about life but the Motherly things, totally the same.

I intend to always feel this way. Some days I am at my absolute worst, but some days, I feel as though I could never get any better. I know, in truth, neither of those are true. I will never be a bad Mother and I will always be able to be better. That's a comforting thought. I am going to enjoy that for a minute, because you know, this may come as a surprise, but I am making all this shit up as I go along! Ha! I mean, really, I am just making it up, but it is always the truth.

Thank you again, all my faithful readers. I feel like I can spread a bit of punch you in the gut, slap your ass and spit in your face news. I am pregnant! Yep. We are adding our third, and final, Daly installment in early June. 

Holy shit!

I am always so surprised when I come back to this blog (after neglecting it) and see that people are reading it. It makes me feel so happy, it's weird and self indulgent and maybe narcissism at it's best...  but, who am I to judge myself? Huh? To be honest I have very few moments of self indulgence. I don't know if it's the kids or my husband being vain enough for the state of Washington, but as I get older (hey.. did I just say that?) I realize that those of us who aren't prone to being full of ourselves need to be. Simple as that. 

As a child/teenager, my sister would tell me (and everyone) I was full of myself. She thought this way about me for whatever reasons, they are hers and I'm not going to try and guess them- but it was exactly the opposite of the case. I guess it was hard to see who I really was (who knows who anyone really is when they a child, teen or twenty something?) I was a cheerleader and that right there makes everyone judge. Which is so wrong, those years were not exactly my finest moments, but it was a "sport" that kept me with the right crowd and some great friends by day, so I could go off and be a complete delinquent youth, by night. I led a double life, I was a real hot mess.

Anyway, not to get sidetracked by my childhood that somewhat resembled the movie "Thirteen". Although when I saw it I was completely sad to think it was so similar to my story, there were parts of mine that were so much worse. It's not a competition. My story, like everyone else's makes me who I am today and apparently that is a blog writer!

I'd like to thank my readers. I hope you pass it on. I would like it to eventually all be for something, whether it be when my kids are grown, they read about who I am (was) or maybe I will get published and write a book? Who knows, stranger fucking things have happened. 

I am just glad to be writing about myself and my life and my experiences. There are so many blogs and the like that are written by people who are writing about someone else's world, someone else's life. That's not the case here people. I think we can all agree.