Finally posting this.
Had the most amazing conversation with my 12 yo yesterday.
It has been a crazy couple of weeks, with my small business taking off and being home without my husband again. It always takes me a bit to adjust- even if we were only together for 9 days total in 5 months... it is an adjustment period for all of us.
So anyway, it was busy. I hate that word. I hate saying "I'm busy", I try my best not to use it but it fits the bill here.
I have been filling a custom order for 3 weeks now. There were 16 pieces total and I wanted it all to be finished so I could work on my next order, truth be told I had been feeling a little guilty. The TV has been on and I have mindlessly been raising my kids. Not getting out to the park or even our evening walks. Man! it sucks being honest, but this is truth time.
Then yesterday my son asks me (while we are making pattern pieces together, while the littles were napping) "if you didn't have any kids, what would you be doing right now?"
I thought for at least 3 minutes before I told him, I had no idea. I said I would probably be on my way to Detroit (where my husband was traveling to). "I really don't know", I said. "I mean, I hope that I would be doing something amazing but without kids, I can't imagine I would be doing this" (making teenie tiny patterns)
Then he asked what I would be doing if I had a million dollars (with kids) and I said
We then continued to have a very deep and revealing talk that was better for me than him, I am sure. He was just thinking about all the Beats headphones he would be able to buy and I was thinking about how very deep this child is.
I found out, in that 25 minute conversation, that I am not sure who I would be without kids. I know that I didn't want kids growing up. I didn't want to get married or do any of that shit you were "supposed" to do because I always thought it would turn out like shit.
I found out, more importantly, that I am happier right now that I have been in years.
Filling a void I didn't know I had. Making things that not only make me feel good but make a difference (SPD clothing).
I needed that conversation. I needed to be in that moment with my child, the one who changed everything for me., He changed the corse of my life. My world. And now he is helping me realize that my world is forever changing and after 14 years in this "adult stage" I have really come into my own.