Fuck you. (reboot)

Offended?

Good. You should be. I mean, those two words should offend you in some way or another.
What shouldn't offend is a picture of one of my kids, standing on the curb at a solstice parade, in bloomers and body paint.  What also shouldn't offend you is my child sitting on the top of a boat in a pair of bathing suit bottoms. At the beach. In the summer. In a swimsuit that I believe suitable for her age. I. Me. Her Mom.

THAT is what I think should NOT be offensive.

But here's the thing.

I get it. I get there are many, many sick and twisted people that get their rocks off looking at pictures of little kids. I get that kids get kidnapped. Raped. Killed. I am 38, thank you very much. I have lived on this sick fucking planet the whole time and last I checked there is NOTHING I can do about the twisted people that I share air with.

Here's the thing.

I can do something about this.

We ALL can.

We can all make this shit stop. We can put our proverbial feet down and say #freeyourmom206
and every other (mostly Mother's) accounts that are getting attacked. Hacked! Targeted! Taken down. Stomped on. Deleted!

I would love to blame someone. I would love that buttwipe to have to put his (it's totally a chick) name on the report so I can go take a look at his (her, lets be real) shit and make sure he (she) is following MY rules. Why not? Fair is fair, right?

Wrong, Jessika. You know better than that. Shit isn't fair. LIFE isn't fair and until recently I have always told my kids "life isn't fair". This is something I have wanted them to take with them through their lives, I wanted it to be instilled in them, I guess so that they would never have to be surprised or expect things to be fair.

Not anymore.

Those kids- same ones I am apparently breaking every social media rule with- are hearing a different tune from me. Their Mom, the one that has purposefully put them in harms way.
NOT.
 I have not done that at ALL. IG should be thanking me. They should be thanking me for doing what I do. For being a self employed Mother of 3, using their stupid social media devise to help spread the word that life can be amazing. They are not. They are keeping me from it all. They are stopping me in my tracks. They are making me think "why do I use this stupid thing?" "why do I bother?".
I am not famous. No one cares about my pictures except for me BUT what people do care about is a Mother of 3 being taken advantage of by a platform that is used by millions.

Here's the thing.

There's porn on Instagram.
It's there. I have seen it.
It's not where I like to get my porn, it's not where I want my porn but I don't give a shit about what those people are doing or why.
I have a life. I am living it and my life is being socially shut down by some faceless coward and that oxygen thief is being BACKED by Instagram. They are letting those bitches get away with it all.

"They", "these people", "asshole", "scum", can go on Instagram and just decide they don't like my pictures. They can go "oh that's 'wrong'" and "I would never.." and they can "tell" IG that they don't like it, then IG decides it's cool to just take my shit down.

Here's the thing.

IT'S NOT!

Spread the word. Send this to your boss. Your paper. Your news anchor.
Send this and any other blog, photo, story you have heard about this topic and MAYBE we can do something about this whole pile of shit we (mostly Mothers) are sitting in.

I have heard some chatter but to tell you the truth I don't think the nucleus is being fixed. I don't think the core of the problem is being looked at, I think they take a page down, hear some noise and put it up and that is it. It's like taking the gum out from under your coffee table and just hoping it'll never happen again. I want the gum, the table and the fucking hand that put it there to talk. I want this shit to be fixed for all of us.

And if my page gets taken down, you better go to #freeyourmom206 for a complete nude picture of me, cause I ain't goin' out like that.

Too much, too little.

I just spent the last week with my sister and her family. It was the first time they had come up here in over a decade. Just saying that makes me go "WOW!". It's been a long time.
We had a great week. The kids played, with her two and my three- we had it all covered. Games, art, movies, sleepovers, fire camps and lazy days at the beach. It was what every vacation should be but like every vacation it went by so fast.

It's funny when you spend time with someone. It doesn't matter who. When you spend a long enough time with anyone, especially when you share the same blood, you learn new things about yourself. And them.

It was like a psych experiment. I mean that in a good way. I am the type of person who is fascinated about life and personalities, for real. What makes people tick, what makes them quirky and fun. What makes them amazing. What makes them suck.

Spending this time with my sister was probably the most one on one time I have had with her since we lived together. I moved out of my Mother's house in 1994. No shit. It's been awhile.
She may have even moved out before that. So to say the very least, we needed it. We are sisters, we needed to spend time together, to get to know each other as adults, although I think no matter how old the little sister gets, she will always be seen as an annoying child. I get that a lot.

So the "experiment" left me thinking that I A. her kids are exactly like her and my kids are exactly like me. Our apples didn't even roll. They are sitting on the base of our roots.
And B. how did her and I, as "apples", come off of the same tree?
I still can't figure it out.

It's cool though, we are both good people. We both have great families and we are doing what we do. We are doing what makes us happy and we are living the lives that we have built, so there is no harm in one of us being the rogue apple. It was most likely me, it is just quite a trip to see it out in front of you. Like we are both hilarious, so we have that in common, but that is kinda it.

But I feel I enjoy the differences we have. Same with my friends and I and my husband. Him and I are not alike at all. People assume we are because we both can live out of a suitcase and we like to wear jeans and travel but the similarities diminish greatly from there. Like with my sister, I find it interesting how we can cohabitate for so long and yet be so differently.

A lot of people only find solace or interest in people like themselves- that in and of itself is a psych experiment, one I don't really get behind. You just don't learn enough being with someone who is just like you. I think with our children, hers like her and mine like me are that way so they can go out into the word and become themselves, so they don't count on the above statement.

What does count is this. I think a lot of people bring a burden to the scene when they come across someone different. They decide that they are better (or worse) worse than the other person! That is the worst! I think we all need to just realize that we are different for a reason, it is not for a cloak of "I'm better than you" it is not for a target on our backs. We are different because we are human and that is something we are lucky enough to be, when we are here.

Seeing my children and her children play and love each other, all the while being polar opposites gave me a lot of hope for the world and also made me wish we lived a whole lot closer.

RIP Banjo.

Why I'm not mad at Gwyneth.

I have been taking a long hard look at myself lately.
The things that piss me off, I have started to dissect them.
The things I seemingly can't let go of, I have been taking the steps to let go of them.
I am not sure why. I feel like most of us get to a point where we just want to shake our bodies and minds so hard we are able to dislodge all the bullshit but my dizzy head keeps telling me that is not how it works.

I really, truly believe that we are all in charge of our own happiness.
No this isn't me showing you how hippie I can be.
This is me getting real and I hope it helps someone else get real too.

When Gwyneth Paltrow was put on blast for saying the things she said I was with everyone, I thought it was inconceivable that she would A. know what the hell it is like to be a "regular" Mom, let alone a one that has a "regular" job and 2. how dare she  put "us" on a hook like that!
I was fired up a little, some were fired up a lot, like this gal, but then I realized everything I was reading and thinking was passing judgement on her and THAT is why the royal we were upset to begin with- because she was passing judgement on us. Hello, circle.

I haven't sat up nights thinking about this but when I was doing my reflecting about myself, I realized that this is not about me, it is not about you- it is about everyone. Well, except for probably Oprah. That woman is as close to a God as I will ever worship. She blows my fucking mind. When she speaks, I listen. When she loves, I learn. Think it's hokey? Good for you. I am all set, thanks.

So back to Gwynnie.
Her opinions were just that. They were hers. She doesn't know you and more importantly you don't know her. The more I thought about it I was sort of siding with her. We don't know what it is like to be on set all day. I don't know what it is like to wake up before my kids and be gone all day and then come home to them asleep. That would crush me.
She doesn't know what it is like for any of us either but for her, she thinks it is harder. That's it. That is all, she is not bashing, she was just saying. Her opinion of how hard my life is or is not doesn't really concern me. Unless she knocks on my door and wants me to show her, I don't assume she was talking about me, specific. Nor you, or you, or you.

Am I hating on the housewife or the working Mom. Hell no.
I have been a housewife and a working Mom and I am currently doing both of those things simotaneously for the better part of 2 years and no comment from anyone is going to make me think they have it harder OR that I have it harder. This is my life. The one I am in charge of.

Where things got ugly is when people started talking about how it must be rough to be a millonaire and have nannies and chefs and cleaning ladies. Drivers and door men and an assistant, all the help you could want in life, but what we are all forgetting, I believe, is that she is still a Mother. There is no stand in for a Mother. Even if you don't have to actively do things for your kid, no one can stand in for your actual being there. There is no hire you could have that will look and feel like you. No amount of money could be paid to make your kids believe you are actually there. That just can't happen.
I think we are also forgetting that money can't buy you togetherness or happiness.
That is the long and the short of it for me. I can't hate on her. I don't feel sorry for her either and more to the point I don't feel those things for myself after reading her article. Although you didn't even have to read the thing, everyone was talking about it. Everyone had the same opinion too. Hate. They pretty much hated her white, rich ass and I think it is unhealthy and pointless and really just more proof that no matter what part of the world you come from, whether you have money or not, most women love to tear down women.

Not me. Not anymore. Did I ever? I am sure I did. That is how we were all raised. Not by our parents per say but just by society. We were taught to not like her because she is a slut, she's s drunk, she's a liar, she's a bad Mom, she's cheating on her husband... why do we care? Why are we programmed to do this? Men aren't like this. They just aren't made that way.

Think about it. When is the last time your husband, brother, Dad came to you talking shit about the guy at the bar, gym, park, work? No? Not happening? Why? Why is that?
I think it is because men worked together to get ahead. Ahead of what, you ask?

Us.

That's right, you heard me. They all worked together to get ahead of the women in society, they banded together and they did it. Look at us. We can have the same job and work in the same office and on Friday the paycheck is ACTUALLY DIFFERENT! WTF? How did we let this happen?
Why do men overestimate their abilities and we underestimate?

Boy, did I ever just hop topics... I believe they are connected though.
How many people do you know hate their job?
Now how many of them are men?

When you get sick of it all,

shut up.

Seriously, just shut up already.
I should take my own advice I guess, but what fun would that be?

Seems like every few months a bunch of people get sick of it all. Like of everything.
Meaning, your comments, your pictures, your parenting style and what you had for dinner. Your desire to take a FB quiz because you want to know what kind of wild animal you would be, or which character on Friends you would most likely marry. They don't even want to see your face anymore. Didn't you hear? Selfies are out this month.

I guess it is all part of it. Part of social media. It's social, says it right there in the title and we all get sick of our friends in real life, so being that this is a media version means you too are getting sick of them and their shit.

But why tell them? Honestly, I feel like it is the lamest form of complaining. Being a social shamer by going on a rant about how lame it is to have 25 pictures uploaded of a cat or because someone wants to write about what they ate, how far they ran, is the equivalent of yelling at someone as you pass them on the road. It's just dumb and a complete negative to society.

We are all haters. Like me, right now. At this very minute I am hating all over the haters of social media. Recently I read an quiz, however funny it was, about how to tell how annoying you are on FB. Funny thing was you had to take the quiz to find out but in the fucking thing said you were lame because you take quizes! Like... you can't win!

I would tell you when I think you are being lame, if I gave two shits. Usually I just stop coming around and for the most part when people stop coming around me, I assume they are thinking the same about and that is A-OK. I am perfectly fine with that.

I just wonder why it happens so incessantly? Like why all of the sudden does it seem like people are coming out of the woodwork to complain? When I answer the phone and the voice on the other end starts complaining, I completely glaze over and wish I wouldn't have picked up. Not that I can't be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen but sometimes it is just too much.

My gut tells me the windfall of complaints flooding my FB wall is as simple as this-
people are sheep. When they read a complaint, even if quasi comical, "enough pictures of your kids already!", that person then takes the lead and vents their frustration or maybe targets someone who is on their nerves. They take the false security that the internet gives you and they lay into something or worse, someone.

 Just stop it. Get over yourselves. Whatever happened to talking about people behind their backs? Were you not raised right? All the passive aggressive shit online is gross and annoying and it makes me stay away... maybe that is how it should be. Maybe some of us take the hint and we just stop going back to the thing that annoys us... maybe.

I like social media. I don't like this part but I like hearing my friend Jonna get excited when her hockey team wins or when Danny shares a disgusting picture or when Jenn runs 6 miles. I like that. I even like when some friends take 20 selfies, I think it is silly and sweet and if that makes them feel good, I am not going to make fun of them on their FB wall. There are plenty of people that post things that are annoying, abrasive political rants or putting their partner on blast and you want to know what I do? I just click a button and it's gone.

Break it up and break it down.

So on our last podcast Eddie and I talked about the infidelity of Tori Spellings husband.
I stick by what I said, I think it is insane what he did, but you know, I realize it happens all the time.
I wanted to elaborate on it, I feel like if you are going to publicly talk about someone's life, you should... I don't know, to say "be fair" is silly. Life isn't fair but I feel like I should be clear.

Watching the show was so hard. It was... awful.
I felt bad for her, I even felt bad for him but the kids, oh how my heart ached for them.
I am sure hers does too.

They have 4 kids together and like 7 years (seven year itch is REAL people!)

not giving it your best shot to repair would be such a waste, in my eyes, but how you would ever be able to look that fucker in the eyes is beyond me.

Lets be straight. I would have a really hard time forgiving my husband if he cheated.
If this was my life, I can't say whether I would just up and leave him or not. I don't know if he would be able to throw it all away if I cheated. I don't know if he would want to be with me either and I think that is the reason we don't cheat. We like where things are, how they were and where they are going. If one of us strayed, we have no idea how it would change us and knowing it could mean everything we have worked for (I think we can all agree that being married is work) could quite possibly just POOF! be gone.

The thought fucking scares me.

I understand the getting bored and not having enough sex. My husband is gone all the time. It is not easy to be in this kind of sexless marriage either, there are times when both of us just want to meet somewhere in the middle and bang it out and move on but it's not realistic all the time. There are a lot of people that lay in bed every night and don't have sex but we can't have it because we are thousands of miles apart. But our marriage didn' start out as just sex. I think a lot of relationships do. Not to say we didn't have a lot more of it but we were instantly connected to each others lives. Like we wanted to take the ride together. We wanted to see what we could do, together. We had our troubles, in the beginning, the middle and the end I imagine, we will still be trying to be good and stay true to ourselves and each other. There is no coasting. Coasting is for single people. Did you hear that? Want to coast? Stay single! Seriously, if you don't want to work at a relationship for the duration, don't do it.
See, that is something no one tells you. You're welcome.

We had our 7 year itch. I will admit it. We spent a lot of months (years?) trying to find our way back and even still truly have to stay "ahead of it", like Eddie said in the podcast.
There was no cheating but the itch has many different faces. I think it finds every marriage in some way shape or form. I would tell you all about ours right now but this way, you will really want to read my book.

Back to Tori.
Seeing the preview for this show, I was immediately into it. I am a reality TV junkie. Yes, I know it is not reality but this shit just got real. Real, real. I had heard about their trouble and didn't really follow it, I do have a life, but the show, I can get down with that. And usually the juicer the better. Usually the fighting and crying and screaming gets me excited. My life lacks none of this, mind you, but it's good TV. But somehow this just didn't make for good TV.

Will I continue to watch? Yes, because I am rooting for them but it is really not pleasant.

Why do men (and yes, I realize women do it too) choose the time they do to do something like this? He was working and everything seemed to be going well. They had a really rough time when their 4th child was born but everyone lives, everyone is healthy and he decides to screw someone?
I just can't wrap my brain around it.
And ya, drinking makes it easier to make mistakes. Even I know that but this isn't a mistake, it is a fucking world crusher. It is the end all be all. It is you putting your dick where it doesn't belong.

Mistakes are breaking something, forgetting the groceries, forgetting to call. Mistakes are (even though I hate the word) something you can say "I'm sorry" for. You can't "I'm sorry" your penis out of a rogue vagina. You just can't.

If I ever decided to have sex with someone (and Deans bitch stayed at his hotel for 2 days!!) you better believe, "mistake" or not, I am very aware that I just tossed my life away. And that simply will not happen.

So where do they go from here?
Counseling (which in front of a camera is just... I can't.. it's not...).
First of all, they will meet with a counselor who will not keep their end of the bargain. These people are supposed to be confidential. Does that make them crooked? I should ask Dr. Drew. It seems once you open your practice and expertise out to the world, it would degrade it somehow. How do I know someone isn't hamming it up? How do I know you aren't giving extreme advice to make for good TV?

Here's what I think.
I think they worked through their mess and decided to stay together, be stronger than ever and are capitalizing on that. I think we are seeing real, true life but one that already has a finale. My guess is that they signed something that said "if this shit ends bad, we aren't airing it".. I don't know if they can even do that but it is hard for me to believe these seemingly smart, kind, loving parents of 4 would put on TV their families demise for their kids to watch reruns of.

"Hey kids, grab the popcorn and turn on channel 51. The end of our perfect life is on again."

These stars are worried about the paps selling pictures of their kids in front of their school or in Duane Reade eating candy but they will collect a stack of cash for the suicidal ending of their families happiness.

Yikes.

Catch up with us on our new website and copy and paste the following URL to your favorite podcast App or feed reader.
http://spaghettifamily.com/feed/podcast/

shit.

My son's bike was ripped from our garage on Thursday.
He could not be more bummed.
He rode it nearly everyday, it was his ride to baseball games.
It took him to the store to get cat food or whatever I needed for dinner and didn't have.

I am sad for him and at the same time I think this is one of the biggest, HARDEST lessons for a kid.

People take shit that isn't theirs and it SUCKS.

I think it is a good lesson because he will be put in spots in his life when he or his friends will have the chance to make a decision. A decision that could go unnoticed, it could change his friendships or it could change the course of his life.

I know that sounds dramatic but I think life is dramatic.

Everyone had that time in their life when they are faced with the "fork". We have many forks, but when you are 13, I think the forks are crucial.

I remember one time, my friends and I were at a store, I swear the name was Pick 'n Save, and everyone stole lipstick and I didn't. Everyone got popped and I didn't.
There was a kid thief crackdown around that time and the kids were all taken home in cop cars.
We were like 12.

I don't remember hanging out with these kids after, I am sure I did but I remember it changed us.
Not unlike Stand By Me "you want to see a dead body?"
Sure,  .99 cent lipstick wasn't a dead body but in my stupid little town, sitting in the back of a cop car when you were 12 or 13 was a preview for most. You either never did anything to get you back there or you ended up back there all the time.

I remember a "friend" telling me I "had to" steal it. I am sure "if you want to be cool" was said, and even though that is very After School Special of her, that is how kids are.
Right?
You have to do this to be cool. You have to wear this... what is that bullshit and why is it still being fed to our kids?

Here's my guy on his pride and joy.

If you live in the hood, it is a FIT BMX bike

all black with red details

black and silver pegs on the front and back wheels.

Damn.

If you haven't checked out our new website you should!

spaghettifamily.com

Parenting 10fuck you.

There's a lot of chatter about parenting advice blogs. About how there are too many, most are fucking stupid and practically all of them are getting paid through ad's to get the idiotic message to you- the consumer of bullshit advice from people that probably don't have kids. Or don't raise them themselves or just suck as humans.

This is not one of them. I just spelled "advice" wrong both times in that last paragraph. If you take anything away from my blog, don't let it be advice of either the spelling, grammar or parenting. This is merely a way for you to waste 5 minutes as you sign into your work computer and pretend to start your day. This is for you, sucka.

Why do people assume they know dick about what you do or what works for your family?
I am always, ALWAYS under the impression that I don't know shit about other peoples lives. That I could not AND would not want to live their life, so the last thing I am going to do is talk shit about the way they are doing it.

Lately it has been coming to my attention that I am being judged. Left and motherfucking right.
Ya, I know, "who cares?" and all of that and for the most part I agree. Who cares?
Well. Me.
Now I care.
Someone told me one time (my therapist) that if something that someone else says bothers you, you are probably feeling guilt about it. That maybe there is a shred of truth in what they are saying.

She was a bitch and I never went back.

I think the human mind can only put up with so much. We are not equipped to hold our tongue forever. It's not natural.

But lets not get off point here.
What I am talking about is that there are people in our lives, all of us, who do not agree with what we are doing in life. They find it their business to speak out to let you know that you are making a mistake, that you are doing it wrong and I just want to stand against that. I want everyone to know that unless you came out of my vagina- you have no say in what I do. None. Nothing. Fuck off.