I am a Mom.

I have spent the last 4 days with sick kids. Why is it that whenever Eddie leaves something goes awry? I don't know, but you would think after 11 years (yep, 11 years) I'd be getting use to that buuuut, I'm not.

Anyway I have been conflicted, yet again, about the blogging world. Seems like I have nothing to say but I have realized that is not the case. Two things come to mind when I think about getting on here, one is that I think I have nothing to talk about worth interest to anyone and b. I think "this shit is TOO personal!"- that's how life has been treating me lately. It's all either too boring or too private. But I think I am missing the important things, in more ways than one. I think I tend to get so caught up in the madness of something or the dullness, that I overlook the goodness. Like on Friday, I made "Gloria's Special" with Quattro. I had a rough day, Eddie left and Elvis was up all night, it was just not a good day. So that night I decided to flood myself with feel good things, something else I forget to do, and so we made my Grandma's recipe and it was magic. We cooked, we laughed, we learned. I learned that there are some kids at school talking about how they looked at something called "california girls" online and they were talking about how inappropriate it all was. Q asked me what I thought it was and I told him it was  a music video or naked ladies- he was shocked but not in the way you might think, he said "what's the big deal about naked ladies?"... then I had to wonder myself. What's the big deal?

First of all, we do not have a "naked house". I sort of grew up in one, sort of but a friend of mine totally had one and it was a big thumbs down. I do not mind if my kids see me naked, I am proud of my body and I don't reach for the door or towel in horror if Quattro comes walking in the bathroom when I am getting out of the shower. I don't stand around blow drying my hair naked (well not always) while he's in there and I have definitely come down stairs in my underwear to get coffee or grab my jeans out of the dryer- you get the point. I am not a super prude, I am proud of my body, I like it and I want him to like his (and his wife's after she has a baby or two) so I try to be aware of that.... okay, I just lost my thought.

Oh, "california girls" right...

so I told him that kids will start trolling the internet for things they know they shouldn't be looking at. He knows that when you grow up you have a different relationship with your love interest, I don't think he puts too much thought into it though. He and I have a pretty open relationship. He is very much in his own little bubble, he isn't like a lot of 4th graders, he does not want to grow up. He is Willy Wonka. Seriously, he is.

He took no interest in the said girls on the internet, we then talked about how he is in a tricky spot, he is of the age that kids might be saying "hey, check this out" and it could be porn, or worse... but really, for a 9 year old, what's worse than porn? I don't have any problems with porn, it has it's place but I can't imagine it would be good for a 9 year old to see it. I told him there are things in life that when you see them, you can't "un-see" them. We talk about this a lot really, the "un-see" and the "undo" button do not exist. I figure the sooner he knows this and believes it the better. I wish someone would have told me about this, there are a whole list of things I wish I could undo and un-see but I can't.

I don't know. Maybe I am delusional, maybe I am trying to keep him from things for selfish reasons, maybe I am prolonging the inevitable but I am okay with that. Because I know he will grow up, that's the goal- I am just trying to raise a decent kid in a world where it is nearly impossible. I'll keep trying because that is my job.

Speaking of jobs. On a side note and something I have touched on before.

Why is it that if you are a stay at home Mom or Dad you get no credit for having to work but if you are a daycare worker, you have a job? or a nanny, or a school teacher or even a babysitter?

I was talking to my Mom about carpal tunnel, she had it and I have it and she said "well, I had to go to work with it" and I said "ya, me too" and she said something like her having to go to a "job"... it pissed me off. Same as when she said she wishes she had "all this time" to craft and do fun things but she doesn't because she has to work. I love her but I wish she would give me some god damn credit. I could get a job and pay for someone else to raise my kids, sure, I could. I don't have a problem with either but I would like people, well not all people, but the ones who interact with me to know that I. have. a. job. It's called raising my kids. I'm also a travel agent to my husband, a project manager, art director and a room parent at school. I am the co-advisor for the student council, I am the (fabulous) chef. I am the caterer, I am the housekeeper. I am the dog walker, I am the maintenance man. I am the organizer of life for four. I am the food shopper, the clothes shopper and the hair stylist and wardrobe consultant. I am the cover model, back-up singer and a songwriter. I am a bag designer, the forever crafter. I am the photographer and driver. I am the baby book keeper, the vacation blogger, the saver of everything that my kids will want to look at, keep or maybe even throw away. I am the manicurist, the tax preparer, I am the painter and cat claw trimmer. I am the gardener, the party planner and a few other things I can't think of because I am the breast feeding forgetful at times, Mom. I am a Mom and a god damn good one.