On the eve of our annual yard sale, I am finally feeling like I have the whole family on board.
If you read my previous post you will see it is me that feels a strong desire, an emotional push if you will, to be traditional and at the same time, modern as fuck.
I am always trying to take the traditions that were passed on to me from my Grandparents and give them a funky twist. It is important that I teach my children the ways of their grandparents, who are still living and a part of their lives, but things have changed. They are no longer the parents, they are living on their own but partially being taken care of now, by their children. I want my kids to know how things are supposed to be, what family is supposed to mean and that I learned in great part by spending countless days with grandparents.
Sitting at the table together is old school. I can bet the better part of my fellow parents can not make this happen. I think in part because as the, now wives, were growing up they were taught to hold their own, which sadly meant giving up being a good housewife, a proper mother maybe. Hey, I said "maybe". Who knows these things?
I just think that there was a lot of shift that went on in the decade(s) before me and since that fortunately showed women we didn't have to be the stay at home, Mrs. Brady. We could go to college and become our own bosses and have it all... but we forgot something. I think. In the mania to become unleashed from this "mans world" prapganda, I believe, we forgot how to rule the roost. We glazed over the chapter, shit even the footnotes on how to have, care for and kick ass, in our own home.
Which, let's face it, most of us want at some point in our lives. I think that is just part of life. It is the way it is. I do not believe in Adam and Eve, but I do believe that at some point in a woman's life and could be in a man's, we want to break it down. We want a family of our own. Some earlier, some late in life but it is part of our make-up as humans to plant the seed. Not all of us. Thank them for not, I guess. I am against over population, I think our universe has a way of "thinning the herd" (that's terrible) and sure I wish it would take some and spare others but I am not Ms. Universe, but I was voted Ms. Photogenic in the one and only pagent I did... too bad it was before "Toddlers and Tiaras", maybe I could've been Ms. Universe?
Okay, where was I... propaganda... footnotes, plant the seed, thin the herd... ah yes, more so than being against over population, I am against under population. My grandparents and their grandparents worked too hard, lived too long and loved too much for me to want to spit out a family free reject. I do not want my kids growing up in an empty "Super Mom" free home.
I just want to get back what I think we may have lost over time. I am all for girl power, womans movement. I am not a woman hater. I love woman. If there's such a thing, I believe I might be 33% gay. So there.
But now, at 34, I know that I am on the right path. I am getting my family and making it the best damn thing I can muster.
I want to have it all and I won't stop EVER because I am a realist as well as an optimist. I will always want it all and maybe, just maybe at some point it will all be enough and as I watch my kids walk down the aisle, whether it be to graduate Harvard, beauty school, or to get married to their same sex partner, I will feel like I didn't have to give up anything, but that my real lifes work was done right. I wish I would have finished college, I guess. It seems to be a good thing to have on that resume, which I do not have. But like now, back then, I didn't really want to do one thing forever. I just didn't. All the adults I knew that went to college OR not, had a job that they, well, hated. I didn't grow up around one person who loved their job, so of course I thought "um... don't get one". In a more civilized fashion of course. I just chose not to do any one thing for too long and I wanted to do a little bit of everything. And boy did I do that! Save that "piece de resistance" for another time.
In closing I would like to say that now, as I am a growing up woman, married for 12 years, mother of 2- I know people that really love their jobs but every last one of them wishes they had more time with the kids.