Guilt. It's what's for dinner.

 

I tried. I really did. I narrowly enjoy the days when I have a cold and feel it is best to lay in bed and hope to the benadryl gods that I will feel like my old self tomorrow, I guess because I get to. When my husband is gone, there is no getting sick, I know plenty of people know what I'm talking about- so ya, today, I gave it the ol' boating school try.

But... I still made dinner and did all the little things I could to help them out. I put post it notes on Q's homework and set the table for them to have a fantastic dinner, which I made before my much needed midday nap. When I woke up they were just leaving for Q's Little League game, which Eddie tried to keep me from feeling guilty for missing but I still do.

I sat out back with the dogs and washed Q's school clothes, I even did the dishes. I guess it is Mom guilt, I mean, I can't even lay in bed with a splitting headache, runny nose and plugged ears without feeling I missing something and mainly missing someone.

Totally not fair

No matter how many times I wash my hands, use my elbow to push a door open, use my sleeve to turn a knob. No matter how often I wipe my kitchen counters, go to the gym and take my vitamins, it's all for not because I think I am getting sick.

I have had one child or another sniffling and coughing for the last 2 1/2 weeks, I fully thought I had dodged this one. But no.

I feel bad for my family, as I will most likely be in bed tomorrow. Not driving to school or making dinner. I'm not going to take my daughter to the gym or pick up fresh produce. I'm not going to make dinner or help our son with his homework or give the baby a bath. I probably won't take the dog for a walk and I am definitely not going to get to any of the laundry, the stuff that's in the dryer or the shit at the end of the bed.

So that's it, that's my plea for my family to do the right thing tomorrow. Don't make a mess, order take out and don't forget to walk the dog.

They call this literature?

I'm so uninspired when I ask those in the know about children's books. 

My son is 10, he can read better than I can. No really, he corrects my spelling (whatever, not my thing) and so it goes I walk into random book stores and libraries and ask "those people" about interesting children's books, but I tell them not for his grade, maybe one or two up (we could probably go up to 12th grade but I don't want to seem stuck up) and every time they walk me to the mystical dragon, warrior, vampire, ageless bat boy section. I'm pretty sure that's a section, it must be, THEY ALL HAVE IT.

Anyway, so I'm asking you, the people I am pretending to be friends with and probably would be if I had the time or energy for friends (kidding, I love my friends), what does one smart child read when he does not fancy the fantasy?

Home is where the heart is...

and my husband.

It is really hard to have my husband home for so long. I know I am silly for complaining, and I'm not really but he is gone a lot and when he is home for a couple few weeks, it is nice and everyone gets their fix and then he is gone again and things go back to "normal". Because in all seriousness my normal is being the man AND woman of the house. It's tricky sometimes when he is home.

Our roles gets tangled and I get all this time to myself that sometimes I don't know what to do with it. Or I do and I realize how I like to spend my time and I feel bad.

In the morning I will sometimes lay in bed and get served coffee and flip on a movie and stay there until after lunch! And sometimes I slip off to the movies midday, instead of going to the park with my husband and youngest child. In the evening, I will call the girls and see who's up for a cocktail, instead of staying home and making sure baths are had and bedtimes are met... when he is home for a week or so it isn't so obvious that I'm a bad mother/wife but now that we are talking about a month long (plus he is not going on tour until end of July...) downtime... I'm starting to wonder if I'm just a selfish bastard.

When you are annoyed with your husband and all the things he is doing wrong, rise to the top- just remember what he is good at and what he is trying to be good at.

I did that tonight. It worked.

Cabbage.

I started getting a produce delivery. It comes to the school from Full Circle Farm.

I didn't know you could omit things at first, so the first box I was like "um... ok" there were some things I wouldn't normally buy but I gave it a go. Then I found the "omit" button and quickly packed my box myself, practically, I chose all the things I would buy and waited anxiously for it to arrive. I get it every other week, every week seemed like too much, I do still like to buy things on a whim, avocados for one, I am picky and we got through about 2 every couple days...

anyway so my box comes, I open it up, excited and prepared to wash and prep all of my requests and then... nothing. There were no things in the box that I had picked, they got it wrong....

I was SO mad, I was really bent out of shape, I had plans for my food.

So I called and they were really sweet saying they would give me a credit for the price of everything I had wanted but I didn't find that necessary, I mean, I was stuck with the box and it was full of great stuff just not the shit I wanted.

I spent the week making stuff up, which is what I do. That is how I cook.

And I wanted to share a recipe. 

Cabbage. I like it. It is find but I never buy it. I might make a spicy coleslaw in the summer when we BBQ or something but it is not something I use BUT my Mom makes this super yummy dish, unfortunately it's called "boiled dinner" which I hate the name, therefore I never make it. Besides she makes it best... I was racking my brain and I wanted to make something reminiscent of her dish but maybe a little... more me.

I roasted the cabbage in a orange and thyme vinaigrette and it was so delicious only about 1/2 of it made it, I literally stood over it, eating it off the cookie sheet, like I do blackened broccoli and curried cauliflower.

So here it is, try it out.

1/4 olive oil

1/2 orange (or lemon)

2 T. fresh thyme or 3 tsp of dried

pinch of salt

4 cracks of pepper

small squeeze of honey (about 1T)

Preheat oven to 375

Slice cabbage in half, rinse and cut out stem (triangular cut) then slice about 2" wedges, lay on cookie sheet. Drizzle vinaigrette evenly over wedges and roast on a cookie sheet for about 15 min, flip the cabbage over and 15 min more. 

Tick tick, tick tick.